


A Boy

by actualsatan



Series: A Boy [1]
Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: 2ne1 - Freeform, Abuse, Alcohol, Anal Sex, Angst, Anxiety, Blood, Blow Jobs, Character Death, Choking, Daddy Issues, Dead People, Death, Death Threats, Domestic Violence, Double Penetration, Drugs, Ever so kind Daesung, Fivesome, Fluff, Forced Prostitution, Gangbang, Gangsters, Group Sex, Lots of Murder, M/M, Multi, Oral Sex, Orgasm Control, Overdosing, Panic Attacks, Poly!Big Bang, Polyamory, Prostitution, Rough Sex, Seungri is daddy's boy, Sexual Content, Violence, Vixx - Freeform, Winner, block b - Freeform, like rIPPING ANGST, lots of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-04-26 07:26:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4995562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualsatan/pseuds/actualsatan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jiyong has been in a gang called B21 for almost as long as he remembers. Until now. His best friend, partner in crime and part time lover is killed by their gang leader and Jiyong is given one chance to get out alive. He runs until he can't run any more. That's when he meets Daesung, a helpful boy who lives together with an odd trio.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sorry I'm a bad boy

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Into the Darkness](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3984547) by [Lunar_Pull](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunar_Pull/pseuds/Lunar_Pull). 



> PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK!!  
> I have to warn for a lot of angst and triggering things like abuse, self harm in the form of alcohol, drugs and sex. Read with care. Also I can't promise the coming chapters get better.  
> I apologize for possible spelling mistakes - I have proof read it but I only did so as I went to sleep so I was kind of tired.

Jiyong stumbled forwards, bracing himself against the houses to keep from falling. It didn't make much difference. His knees were bleeding, so were his hands. And probably his face. He couldn't run, he could barely walk and when he stumbled again and went down on his knees he let out the most anguished scream anyone had heard and he cried. He cried and he shook and he let out another scream. He hated himself, he hated everyone around him, he hated the world. Never in his 25 years had he wanted to die as bad as now. The loneliness ripped in his chest and he screamed again.  
Watching his best friend being murdered in front of his eyes was too much for him to handle. Sure, Jiho never behaved but neither had he thought Chaerin would go as far as to kill him. And especially not in front of Jiyong.  
A door was opened and someone watched him. He could feel the eyes on him and he scrambled up on his feet and continued to walk.  
"Excuse me, but are you okay?"  
The soft but slightly hoarse voice pierced through the chilly night but Jiyong ignored it. He stumbled again and before he could even react strong arms had caught him, helping him to stand.  
"Don't touch me," he spat, trying to fight off the man. When he looked at his face he swallowed hard and shut up, because he was handsome and well dressed and Jiyong realized he had run far enough to enter the upper class part of town.  
"Do you need anything?" The man asked, and Jiyong closed his eyes.  
A hug and maybe a glass of water, he thought.  
"I'm fine," he replied.  
"You do not look fine. Let me clean you up and give you something to eat and a place to rest, then you can continue tomorrow, okay?" The man surely was persistent. Jiyong was too exhausted to deny the offer so he nodded and the man helped him inside.  
"Daesung!" A sharp voice came once they closed the door to the house. "You can not bring him inside!" The voice was accusing and Jiyong didn't dare to look at the owner of it. The man who apparently was named Daesung sighed.  
"You think I should have left him like this?" He replied.  
"Seunghyun will kill you!"  
Jiyong inhaled sharply at the words and a fresh wave of tears hit him.  
"I'm sorry," he sobbed. "I can ditch.."  
Daesung shot a very accusing glare at the other young man.  
"Seungri, go prepare something to eat. I can handle Seunghyun when he comes home," he said as he started to lead Jiyong into the bathroom. Everything was spacious and luxury and Jiyong felt extremely out of place. He shouldn't be here.  
He was sat down on the toilet and Daesung started to rummage through the cabinets and drawers, finding cotton pads and antiseptic alcohol. Jiyong watched him through tears, as he wet a towel and then turned back to him, kneeling down.  
”This will probably hurt a little,” he said apologetically as he started to clean Jiyong’s knees. Jiyong didn’t mind, he could barely feel the pain either way. He was cold and tired and he was already hurting.  
”I do not think I asked for your name?” Daesung asked as he was gently wiping away blood from Jiyong’s ruined body.  
”I’m G-Dragon. GD, if you prefer.”  
Daesung looked up at Jiyong’s face, his eyes had dried and he was looking like bruised god. He looked down again.  
”Is that your gangster alias?” he asked with a small smile and Jiyong swallowed. He was right, but this kid seemed so.. Innocent. How could he possibly tell this angel that he murdered people? That he terrorized, abused and blackmailed people for a living?  
”I rap,” he said instead. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t exactly the whole truth either.  
”That is very cool,” Daesung replied. Jiyong shrugged.  
”Not really.”  
Daesung chuckled a little and shook his head.  
“What?” Jiyong asked, a little confused.  
”I have never met a real gangster before,” Daesung said and looked up at Jiyong with eyes that were almost sparkling.  
”I-I’m not a gangster,” Jiyong said and averted his eyes.  
“Okay mr G-Dragon.” Daesung gently grabbed Jiyong’s wrist and pulled his hand towards him, wiping it clean as well. Jiyong swallowed and gave him the other hand as well. Then Daesung stood up and grabbed Jiyongs chin and he suddenly got nervous and stood up.  
”Wh-what’re you doing?” he asked and Daesung chuckled again.  
”You have a gash on your temple, and blood on half of your face,” he replied and started to gently dab away the blood. That actually did hurt way more than Jiyong was prepared for, and he hissed and instinctively grabbed the other in choke hold, spinning them around to pin him against the wall. Daesung’s arms went limp by his sides and he closed his eyes, and Jiyong realized his mistake and let the other one go.  
”F-fuck, I’m s-sorry,” he stuttered and backed away from the slightly taller male.  
”It is fine, I am used to it.”  
Jiyong furrowed his eyebrows.  
”Used to it? Why’re you used to it?” Jiyong asked and sat down on the toilet again. Daesung blushed and went back to dab Jiyong’s face.  
”Is it Seunghyun?” he asked softly. “Is he treating you badly?”  
Daesung shook his head.  
“N-no, it is nothing like that..”  
“The least I can do for you is quit him.”  
”Q-quit him?” Daesung sounded uncertain.  
”Kill him.”  
Daesung flinched as if he had been physically hit and pulled back.  
”G-god, no! Y-you can’t do that! P-please don’t hurt him!” He nearly begged. Jiyong swallowed and met Daesung’s scared eyes.  
”Please mr G-Dragon, don’t hurt Seunghyun. I love him!”  
Jiyong nodded slowly.  
”My name is Jiyong. Kwon Jiyong. It sounds so wrong when you’re calling me G-Dragon... You’re too innocent,” he said with a soft smile, reaching out to stroke Daesung’s cheek, but stopped an inch away, pulling back.  
”I won’t hurt him if that’s your wish,” he added and Daesung exhaled and picked up the alcohol.  
”Thank you.. Jiyong,” he said and Jiyong smiled softly.  
”You don’t have to bother with the alcohol, I’m fine,” he said and then the other man entered the bathroom, but he stopped just inside the doorway.  
”There is food in the kitchen now,” he said, glaring at Jiyong, the look on his face both disgusted and scared. He was very beautiful and Jiyong blushed slightly and averted his eyes.  
”Thank you,” he said and Daesung stood up, holding out the towel for Seungri to take.  
”I am not touching that. Daesung, he is your problem, not mine. You know what Seunghyun thinks of scum.” With those words the other boy left the room and Daesung sighed.  
”I am sorry for him. He is daddy’s boy. I-I mean, he almost worship Seunghyun..” Daesung led Jiyong to the kitchen and Jiyong swallowed. Never in his life had he seen such a huge kitchen.  
”Tell me more about Seunghyun,” Jiyong asked and stood still in the middle of the kitchen.  
”And you never told me why you’re used to being choked,” he added and Daesung swallowed.  
”Take a seat and I will tell you,” he said and sat down by the dark table. Jiyong hesitated a little but then sat down where the food was placed.  
”Eat, please.”  
Jiyong nodded and started to eat, not really paying attention to what it was he was eating, he just thought it tasted like heaven. He couldn’t remember if he ever had eaten food this good before.  
”Me and Seungri used to... Escort,” he said quietly, looking down at his hands as if Jiyong would judge him.  
”A-and Seunghyun took us home. H-he is not like that, he does not buy sex, b-but he.. He kind of co-owns the place a-and he liked us and took us home.” Daesung glanced up at Jiyong, still red, picking with his fingers. He was obviously embarrassed.  
”I don’t judge you, if you think that. I also sell sex, big surprise huh?” He picked up the glass of water and drank it all.  
”You’re lucky you were saved,” he continued, a bitter laugh escaping his throat.  
”What happened to you?” Daesung asked quietly, stiffening a little as Jiyong’s expression changed completely.  
”My best friend was killed by my boss. She slit his throat in front of my eyes. She only let me live because I saved her life once.” He kept it short, not wanting to start to cry again, though the pain that came with thinking of Jiho had been replaced by emptiness.  
”I-I am so sorry..” Daesung whispered and looked like he was about to cry. Jiyong smiled a little. It was like it had never happened, now when all the blood had been washed off of his skin. Mostly Jiho’s blood. His clothes was still drenched in it but that was the good thing about wearing black, blood wasn’t visible. He didn’t want to think of it though, and he didn’t have to because the front door was opened and a deep but warm voice sounded throughout the large apartment.  
”I am home, boys!”  
Jiyong guessed it was Seunghyun and based on Daesung’s reaction he was completely right.  
”Shit, shit, shit!” he whispered. “Stay here or he will throw a fit! I will handle this, okay?” he said and stood up, motioning for Jiyong to stay where he was. He didn’t come further before the same voice boomed louder than before.  
”Daesung!” it called, and then he heard steps and Jiyong barely managed to get on his feet before the man called Seunghyun stood in the doorway to the kitchen. He locked eyes with Jiyong and he looked like he was about to murder them all.  
”S-seunghyun,” Daesung said softly and walked up to the man, who was taller than Jiyong had first thought. He was bigger than Daesung and he looked strong. Jiyong wasn’t scared though, he was positive he could take him down.  
”How _dare_ you?!” he spat in Daesung’s direction after breaking the eye contact with Jiyong. He raised his hand and slapped the smaller one with the back of his hand and Jiyong felt anger raise in his body.  
”H-he was hurt and sad..”  
”So you thought it was a good idea to bring that vermin into _my_ home?” Seunghyun’s voice carried no trace of forgiveness and Daesung was literally cowering in front of him and when he raised his hand to hit the boy again Jiyong couldn’t stop himself. He pulled a butterfly knife from his pocket, flipping it open as he sprinted towards the taller man, who didn’t have the time to react before he was tackled to the floor by the small man who quickly straddled his stomach, pressing the blade of the knife to the others throat as he breathed hard.  
”How dare _you_?” Jiyong hissed in Seunghyun’s face.  
”How dare you hit someone who’s helping another person?!” he continued, and Seunghyun’s cold eyes was piercing Jiyong’s and he stared back, not even blinking.  
”You are not human,” he replied, his deep voice as cold as his eyes.  
”I’d watch it if I were you,” Jiyong hissed back, pressing his knife a little harder against Seunghyun’s throat.  
”You promised, Jiyong...” Daesung’s voice suddenly came from behind him and he felt like it tore at his insides.  
”I know.. I know. I’m sorry,” he replied, not moving even half an inch.  
”I’m staying overnight, and I promise you, if you even think about touching him, I’ll slit your Achilles tendons,” Jiyong hissed before he slowly pulled back and stood up. Seunghyun stood up too and Jiyong was tense, prepared for the worst.  
”Fine, you can stay the night. Daesung will show you to the guest room. Then I want you _both_ gone before lunch tomorrow, clear?”  
Jiyong could literally see Daesung's world break apart as Seunghyun left them in the kitchen. Not a word could escape his mouth and he reached out his hand after his saviour as if to hold him back and his eyes welled up with tears. The sight hurt Jiyong almost as much as the thought of Jiho and he cursed himself for not leaving when he still had the time.  
"He'll come around," he tried to comfort the broken boy, reaching out to pat Daesung's shoulder. Daesung nodded and without any warning he pulled Jiyong in for a hug, burying his face against Jiyong's shoulder.  
"I hate you," he sobbed into the shoulder and Jiyong stroked his back.  
"I know," he said softly. "It's okay."  
Daesung kept crying for a while before he pulled back and wipes his eyes.  
"I do not really hate you," he said quietly and Jiyong smiled a little.  
"It's okay, I'd hate me," he said and reached out his hand to touch the others cheek, shivering lightly.  
"I will show you the guest room..." Daesung said, still all quiet and hurt.  
"If I leave now, will he hurt you?" Jiyong forced the slightly taller man to look at him.  
"I do not know.. Maybe?"  
Jiyong sighed.  
"Come with me," he said. "We can go to my mom's place. She wouldn't mind. I would take you to my place but I don't think it's safe.." He swallowed and shrugged away the thoughts of Chaerin and Sandara sitting in his kitchen, waiting for him to come home.  
Daesung shook his head.  
“I can not… I will talk to Seunghyun tomorrow. H-he will come around. You said so yourself,” he said as he led the way through the big apartment to show Jiyong to the guestroom.  
Jiyong sighed and didn’t argue.  
“I will leave you alone,” Daesung said softly and turned to the door, but Jiyong grabbed his wrist, pulling him back.  
“Hey..” he said softly, grabbing Daesung’s chin to force him to look him in the eyes. “Don’t beat yourself over this, okay? Just don’t. Everything will be fine. It’s me he hates, not you.” Jiyong’s voice was almost demanding and he squeezed Daesung’s wrist a little, and then he reached up to gently press his lips against the taller man's soft ones. Daesung stiffened a little but didn’t do anything, and Jiyong pulled back, a small blush spreading across his cheeks.  
“Oops,” he said a little embarrassed. Daesung looked at him slightly confused.  
"I.. What?" he asked, looking almost scared.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.. I.. I'm just used to showing people I care for affection."  
He didn't mention this applied only to Jiho and he didn't mention that Daesung reminded him so much of his best friend. He smiled softly and pressed the closed butterfly knife in Daesung's hand.  
"In case he tries something," he whispered and pressed a kiss to Daesung's cheek instead.  
"Try to sleep okay?"  
Daesung nodded but Jiyong was certain he wouldn't use the knife even if Seunghyun tried to kill him. There was a much bigger chance Seunghyun would try to kill Jiyong in his sleep anyway.  
Daesung left and Jiyong closed the door after him, sitting down on the floor with his back against the wall. He sighed, turned off the lamp beside him and wrapped his arms around his legs, falling asleep like that.  
He was right when he woke up by the door opening in the middle of the night. His eyes adjusted pretty fast and of course it was Seunghyun. He didn't seem to carry any weapon and Jiyong swiftly and completely soundlessly pulled out another of his knives, standing up equally soundless and when Seunghyun was by the bed he leapt forward, tackling the larger man face first down on it.  
"I told you to watch it," Jiyong hissed in his ear, his left hand in a tight grip of the others hair, the point of his knife pressed against his neck.  
"Calm the fuck down," the larger of the two spat back, squirming a little, but Jiyong held his ground.  
"What were you planning on doing? Choke me? Heard you're fond of that."  
Seunghyun swallowed and clutched the sheets.  
"No," he said with a little more uncertainty than before.  
"So what were you planning? You're really cocky for someone with a knife pressed against their neck by a hitman," Jiyong shot back, pressing the knife a little harder against Seunghyun's neck, letting the sharp point pierce the first layer of skin covering the fragile aorta that would cause certain death upon being slit. Seunghyun seemed to know this as well because he stopped the squirming and barely even breathed and Jiyong smirked.  
"I was going to fuck obedience into you," the taller of the two whispered, sweat starting to form on his forehead. Jiyong let out a laugh, and pulled back his knife, his hand still in a tight grip of the black hair though.  
"You serious?" He asked with disbelief in his voice.  
"Yes," Seunghyun spat and Jiyong laughed again.  
"You're un-fucking-believable," he said and let go of the other, standing up.  
"You throw out one of your pet-boyfriends for helping me and then you plan on fucking me? How twisted are you? I swear to god if you don't ask him for forgiveness the first thing you do tomorrow I can promise you this isn't the last thing you'll see of me."  
Seunghyun had shifted and was holding his neck, sitting on the edge of the bed and he was looking more hurt than angry and Jiyong wondered what had happened to him to make him like this.  
"I will. I know it was wrong of me to get mad at him. I hate losing my temper with either of them," Seunghyun sighed.  
"What happened to you?" Jiyong asked. "Why do you hate me?"  
Seunghyun's face twisted up with disgust and he glared at Jiyong.  
"You're one of _them_."  
Jiyong swallowed.  
"Do you not think I would recognise that patch anywhere? After what you did to me, to my family..."  
"You mean B21."  
"Yes, I mean B21."  
Jiyong wouldn't apologise, this wasn't his doing. He studied Seunghyun's face.  
"So what happened?"  
Seunghyun laughed.  
"Like I will tell you. You will just give the information to your leader. She spared me because she thought I was handsome." Seunghyun scoffed and Jiyong let out a short laugh.  
"Typical CL."  
Seunghyun's eyes was dark as he looked up at Jiyong.  
"My boyfriend was murdered in front of my eyes," he said after a few moments of silence.  
“By a pretty man with blonde hair and full lips. He had tattoos on his chest and arms and he turned his face to the sky and closed his eyes before he fired the gun. I still remember it so clearly.”  
Jiyong’s stomach clenched as Seunghyun described the man. It was Jiho he was talking about. His Jiho. He turned around and clenched his fists, trying to fight the emptiness and the pain.  
”It will please you to know he’s dead, then.” Jiyong’s words were harsh and hurt and he heard Seunghyun shift on the bed.  
”What?” Jiyong turned around again.  
”You just described Zico. My Zico. He was killed today, by the same woman who spared your life. She spared my life, too. I guess we have more in common than you would like to admit,” Jiyong let out a bitter laugh and dropped down on on his back on the bed, dropping the knife on the floor in the process.  
“Fuck me, and make it hurt. I don’t want to think,” he said before Seunghyun got a chance to reply. Seunghyun hesitated, looking at the smaller man besides him.  
“Do it!” Jiyong yelled and Seunghyun was over him the same instant, gripping his jaw, the other hand settling on the back of his knee, shifting him into the position he wanted him. Jiyong's initial thought was to fight, even if he was the one who had ordered it, so he did. He reached up to grab Seunghyun's neck, digging his nails into his skin, earning a deep growl, a hard slap and a choke hold of his own. He clawed at Seunghyun's shoulders and chest as his bathrobe had started to slip open, and Seunghyun's hand clenched Jiyong's throat harder and he couldn't breathe at all. He opened his mouth trying to gasp for air but Seunghyun didn't let him go, and his hands moved to his wrist, and he was being let go of first when Seunghyun could see Jiyong's eyes darken and his face was a deep red. Jiyong inhaled so sharply he started to cough, hiding his face under his arm, and Seunghyun took advantage of that moment of ignorance and gave Jiyong's crotch a squeeze before he ripped his tight pants of of his thighs as he shoved two fingers into Jiyong's half opened mouth. Jiyong sucked them a little half-assed before Seunghyun pulled them out again and brought them down to shove them all the way into Jiyong's ass without hesitation. Jiyong spat out a series of curses, once again moving up to claw at Seunghyun, this time moving in under the robe to claw at his back and sides, hopefully hard enough to draw blood.  
Seunghyun cursed as well, and Jiyong’s eyes could finally focus on his face again and he looked like he was furious, his eyes black and his entire face was so sharp that he looked like he was carved out of stone.  
He grabbed onto Jiyong’s jaw again as if to hold him still, ramming his fingers deep inside of him, scissoring them as he pulled out. Once he thought the smaller of the two had gotten enough prepping he pulled out and grabbed onto Jiyong’s shirt, tearing at it to turn him around, getting him on his knees. As Seunghyun pulled out his dick from his boxers, Jiyong tried to get up on all four, but he was quickly grabbed by the neck by a strong hand that shoved him face first into the mattress, the other hand on his hip, holding his ass up, keeping him in a back breaking position.  
"Better bite down hard," Seunghyun growled as the only warning before he rammed his dry member fully inside Jiyong, the latter letting out a series of loud curses as Seunghyun stopped to let him accommodate for a way too short period of time before he started to fuck him, rough and precise. Jiyong clutched onto the sheets and kept swearing, clenching tight around Seunghyun to show he was still in the game. Seunghyun's moans was low and Jiyong made up for it by whining and moaning louder and louder. Seunghyun let go of Jiyong's neck to grab his hips with both his hands, pulling Jiyong close with every thrust, speeding up and going in deeper. Jiyong was feeling so full and he reached down between his legs to grab onto his member, jerking himself off as Seunghyun slammed into him over and over. He gasped when he felt his orgasm crawl over him and he announced in a breathy voice that he was doing so and instantly one of Seunghyun's hands swat his own away, grabbing a hold of his cock, choking it.  
"You're not coming until I allow it," he growled and leaned down over Jiyong, pressing him flat against the mattress, biting down hard on his shoulder.  
"Spread your legs," Seunghyun growled in his ear and he swallowed down a loud moan and did as he was told. Seunghyun started to thrust again, painfully slow, still holding Jiyong's member to prevent him from coming. He kept biting on the others shoulders and back, hard enough to leave lasting marks and Jiyong couldn't hold back his voice for a second. Seunghyun allowed him to come after he came himself, buried deep inside Jiyong's ass, growling as he slammed into him painfully hard. He eased his grip of Jiyong's member and jerked it off fast and hard, sending Jiyong over the edge within a few seconds. Once he was done, Seunghyun pulled out and laid down besides him.  
"I'll give you five minutes before I want you ready again." He said with a demanding voice and Jiyong didn't reply. Seunghyun kept his promise and Jiyong lost count of the times they fucked but he had wounds, bite marks and hickeys scattered all over him once Seunghyun was done with him and fell asleep. He would ache so bad in the morning. He curled up against Seunghyun's naked form, feeling comfortable with body contact despite it being from Seunghyun and he fell asleep with his head on the taller man's shoulder. 

Jiyong woke up before everyone else, Seunghyun still sleeping softly on the bed they had fucked and fallen asleep on. Jiyong's entire body was aching and he groaned and got out of the bed, stretching out. He wanted to shower and nothing could stop him. His shirt was torn and his jacket was on the floor together with his pants, but he didn't exactly care. The house was sleeping. He didn't want to look at himself though, he guessed he was covered in wounds and dried blood, both his own and Jiho's. He dropped the rest of his clothes on the heap and then left the room, quietly moving through the apartment, one hand casually covering his crotch as he tiptoed to the bathroom, locking himself in.  
He got into the shower and cleaned his aching body, letting his tears follow the blood down the drain. He showered for a good 30 minutes before he considered himself clean enough and the pain inside was gone, if only temporarily. He turned the shower off and stepped out from the cubicle, reaching for a towel. He dried his hair and his body before he went to the toilet and then raid the bathroom cabinets. He found a package of unused toothbrushes and took one, the alcohol Daesung had wanted to cleaned his wounds with and cotton pads. He proceeded to brush his teeth, and clean his wounds under loud hisses and a lot of teeth clenching. Once he was finished in the bathroom he exit it, deciding on raiding the kitchen as well. When he entered the kitchen with the towel around his waist there was someone sitting in by the kitchen table, eating cereals.  
"Uhm... Hello?" Jiyong asks as he stops in the middle if the room. The boys head shoots up and he cracks a smile when he sees Jiyong.  
"Gonna go ahead and guess you're the gangster Dae and Ri talked about last night," he grinned, eyes shamelessly roaming Jiyong's wounded, tattooed body. He nodded approvingly and met his eyes again.  
"Wait what?" Jiyong's voice was confused.  
"Dae and Ri are my homies, I'm like their... Third half?" He laughed a bright laugh and Jiyong almost blushed. He was so straight forward and shameless that it almost made the usually so shameless Jiyong to be embarrassed.  
"What's your name, kid?" He asked and rounded the table to look inside the fridge.  
"Youngbae," he answered and followed Jiyong with his eyes. "And yours?"  
"Jiyong," Jiyong answered without looking at Youngbae as he picked out different boxes, looking in them to see the content. He eventually settled for something that looked like some kind of lasagna. He placed the box in the microwave and turned to look at Youngbae when the micro was heating his food.  
"Is.. Is Seunghyun.. Okay with you taking liberties in his kitchen?" Youngbae's voice was slightly insecure for the first time since their encounter. Jiyong examined his nails, biting a little at the skin.  
"I doubt it," he said casually. "But his dick was buried in my ass the bigger part of tonight so he better not say a fucking word or I'll make reality of my threats to kill him."  
Youngbae's expression almost made Jiyong laugh, so he smirked and stared Youngbae dead in the eyes, the latter seeming slightly nervous now. Then the microwave beeped and Jiyong turned around, but he could still feel Youngbae's eyes on his back.  
"Mind if I sit down?" He asked once he had found a fork and turned around to face the other once more.  
"N-no, please," he managed to say, and Jiyong sat down on the opposite side of Youngbae. It was silent for a while and then Youngbae spoke again.  
"So you like... Actually kill people?" He asked. Jiyong let out a small laugh, glancing at Youngbae.  
"What, you don't believe me?" He asked.  
"I do, I'm just.. Wow it's so cool?"  
At that Jiyong was actually taken back. This was the first time in his entire life that someone had thought he was cool for killing people. It wasn't cool at all. He didn't get any chance to reply before the silence was cut by a loud gasp and a squealing "Taeyangi!".  
Both Jiyong and Youngbae looked up, just in the same moment Seungri threw himself around Youngbae's neck, hugging him close.  
"You didn't say you were coming home tonight!" He said happily, still not having let go of Youngbae.  
"Taeyangi?" Jiyong scoffed. That was pretty gay. Youngbae actually blushed at this, and Seungri pulled back, sitting down next to Youngbae, taking ahold of his hand with both of his own, giving Jiyong a glare to show him that he wasn't pleased at all with having him there.  
"He is my sun," Seungri said, obviously displeased at having to address Jiyong directly and Jiyong felt that the dislike was mutual. Why was the kid so fucking bratty? What had Jiyong ever done to him? Maybe it was all Seunghyun's fault. Most likely.  
"I'm not judging," Jiyong said and looked down into his food again, continuing to eat. He barely got the fork to his mouth before the scene repeated itself. A happy laugh made all their heads snap up, only to see Daesung stand in the doorway, the smile painting his face so bright and honest that Jiyong felt his heart skip at least two beats because of how amazingly gorgeous the young man was. He practically skipped up to the table, taking Youngbae's head in his hands, leaning his forehead against his.  
"Welcome home," he said softly and Youngbae practically sparkled. Jiyong felt like he was witnessing something secret, that wasn't for his eyes to see. The bond shared between these three was obviously something that Jiyong couldn't quite understand. He looked down in his food again only choke on what he had in his mouth when he felt soft lips press against his temple. He coughed and wheezed and Daesung helped him by patting his back hard.  
"I am sorry, I am sorry!" He repeated an once Jiyong stopped coughing he smiled against Daesung.  
"I'm fine, you just caught me off guard. Damn, kid!"  
Daesung was blushing and looked like he had accidentally stepped on a puppy's paw and Jiyong smiled even wider.  
"Jeez, I'm fine!" He said and Daesung nodded.  
"Thank you," he said and Jiyong arched an eyebrow.  
"For what?"  
"Y-you know.." Daesung averted his eyes.  
"For threatening Seunghyun? I promise you he got a lot more of that," Jiyong shot back with a small smirk, turning back to his food once more. At that both Seungri and Daesung reacted and snapped their heads up to stare at Jiyong.  
"D-did you kill him?!" They gasped out almost in unison. Jiyong didn't get to reply, before a deep voice that had become way too familiar the past ten hours did it in his place.  
"Do you think someone like that could kill me?" Seunghyun scoffed as he entered the kitchen, ruffling his hair.  
"Welcome back, Youngbae," he added as he wrapped an arm around Daesung's waist, looking down at Jiyong with a smirk that made Jiyong want to punch him in the face. Daesung looked like he was going to start to cry and Seunghyun turned to him and stroked his cheek, placing a soft kiss to the cheek he had slapped the previous day.  
"I am so sorry I lost my temper with you yesterday," he murmured and Jiyong looked away from the two and kept eating in silence, doing his best to control  
temper in the presence of Daesung and this mysterious Youngbae. Despite not looking he could practically hear Daesung's heartbeat.  
"I-it is okay," Daesung's voice came quiet and for his inner Jiyong could imagine how he had averted his eyes to the floor, and how Seunghyun softly tilted his head up to look into his eyes. For some reason the thought pissed him off.  
"Please forgive me," Seunghyun's soft voice came and Jiyong swallowed hard at the same time as Daesung.  
"Of course I forgive you," he replied and then they both went silent and Jiyong was pretty sure they were kissing, and he was proven right when he heard the sound of lips parting.  
"Youngbae, come here, I have not seen you in forever!"  
Youngbae got up and Seungri let go of his hand, glaring at Jiyong as if it was his fault. Daesung sat down besides Jiyong and he looked at him for a second before finishing his food, standing up a bit too harshly causing both Seungri and Daesung to jump, and he turned away from the table only to see Seunghyun kissing the much shorter Youngbae, and for some reason he felt the anger blossom up in him again and he stalked up to the sink, filling the empty box with hot water.  
Youngbae came up besides him without any warning and Jiyong flinched and looked at him accusingly and then realised that the boy was probably shorter than himself. He straightened out and then turned back to Seunghyun.  
"Since you ruined my fucking clothes tonight I'm gonna demand you provide me with new ones," he said with a tone that could muster as must disgust he possibly could. He wanted Seunghyun to know that he thought he was fucked in the head, playing these boys that seemed to fucking worship him.  
"Seungri, could you please provide Jiyong with clean clothes?"  
Seungri stared at Seunghyun with the same expression you could imagine someone having that had just been ordered to suck their grandpas limp dick. He opened his mouth to protest but nothing came out and he just nodded. This time Youngbae butted in.  
"I can do it," he said with a smile. "We seem to be the same size anyway, and I have tons of clothes I don't use," his voice was too bright for the atmosphere and Jiyong wondered if he was stupid or just really good at taking responsibility from Seungri's shoulders.  
Seunghyun nodded a little.  
"Thank you," he said and shot a glare at Seungri who looked down at his hands.  
"Come with me," Youngbae said and grabbed Jiyong's wrist to pull him along, past Seunghyun, to the room furthest away in the corridor. He opened to door to reveal a small and cosy room. But instead of going up to the big closet taking up almost 1/3 of the room, Youngbae turned to Jiyong and without a word he pinned him to the wall, tiptoeing to become taller, stroking Jiyong's bare chest.  
"How are you real? Fuck, I don't think I've ever been this attracted to anyone," he mumbled, his lips inches from Jiyong's. Jiyong didn't really know what to do, because Youngbae was far from unattractive, but most of all, he was so secure and Jiyong felt almost intimidated by his charisma. He didn't really get any chance to decide what to do before Youngbae pressed his lips against Jiyong's, the hand stroking his chest settling in the curve of his neck, the other pressed to the wall beside them. Jiyong closed his eyes, moving his palms from the wall to Youngbae's hips, kissing him back. After the night with Seunghyun it felt nice being kissed carefully, Youngbae's lips so soft against Jiyong's that he sighed happily, darting his tongue out to lick the soft skin. Youngbae parted his lips and met Jiyong's tongue and they exchanged small and soft kissed for probably five minutes before Youngbae pulled back.  
"Clothes," he said with a small chuckle, turning away from Jiyong to rummage through his closet, picking out a pair of trashed jeans, a long t-shirt with a smiley on, a cap and a grey hoodie. It wasn't exactly what Jiyong normally wore, he was more for slim fit and tight clothes. He didn't mind though. Youngbae's clothes looked comfortable.  
Youngbae handed the clothes to Jiyong and then opened a drawer to give him a pair of boxer shorts and socks. Jiyong swallowed and held the pile of clothes close to his chest, not taking his eyes off of Youngbae's. He couldn't stop staring and Youngbae looked a little confused at first but then cracked up in a bright smile and Jiyong understood then why Seungri called him Taeyangi.  
"Taeyangi," he tasted the name, barely louder than a whisper, eyes still locked with Youngbae's. Youngbae was still smiling and Jiyong's heart was beating way too hard. He had never fallen this hard, this fast for anyone, ever.  
"Jiyong," Youngbae whispered back and Jiyong dropped the clothes on the floor, closed the barely existing space between himself and Youngbae, grabbing his shirt, pressing his lips against the soft natural pout of Youngbae's again, kissing him a little more desperate this time.  
"I think I'm falling in love," he barely breathed when he broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against Youngbae's. Youngbae chuckled softly.  
"Me too," he whispered and Jiyong pulled back, looking at a confused Youngbae.  
"What about the others?" He asked.  
"We're in an open relationship," he explained and Jiyong didn't get any wiser, and Youngbae seemed to notice.  
"Daesung and Seungri met first, and they're still more like brothers than in a relationship, they're inseparable and not very affectionate with each other. But I know they have the most romantic sex like at least once a week," Youngbae looked pleased with himself.  
"Then Seunghyun met Daesung and he fell so in love it was almost pathetic. He became a puppy around Dae, did everything he asked and spoiled him with flowers, chocolate, expensive dinners and clothes. Their relationship has never been about sex. He took him home, and the only thing Daesung begged for was to bring Seungri with him. Seunghyun of course couldn't say no, and when he first met Seungri they fell for each other. They have a lot of things in common. Seungri adores Seunghyun the same way Seunghyun adores Daesung." Youngbae paused a little to look a little absent and happy, as if he was recalling something fondly. Which he probably was.  
"They were together for almost a year before they met me. I was performing and they were having dinner at the pub, and Daesung came up to me afterwards to tell me I was really talented, that he also was a singer and that I should come with him and talk to Seunghyun because he  
. So I did, and here we are," he chuckled. "This is almost two years ago."  
Jiyong didn't know what to reply, so he just went with a "wow" and Youngbae grinned.  
"You sound like you hate romance," he chuckled and Jiyong let out a small, almost sad laugh.  
"Nah, it's just so different from my life.." He said and averted his eyes. Youngbae bit his lip and reached out to place a hand on Jiyong's cheek.  
"You don't need to tell me, but if you do I will listen," he said softly and Jiyong looked up to meet his eyes.  
"Thank you.." He said quietly and turned around to pick up the clothes from the floor. Slightly embarrassed he took off the towel from around his waist to pull on the underwear, dressing quickly.  
"How do I look?" He asked when he was done and Youngbae chuckled.  
"Adorable," he grinned and Jiyong shot him a glare.  
"I'll have you reminded that I _kill_ people, Youngbae." His words were a little accusing. He wasn't adorable, he was dangerous. Youngbae laughed again.  
"Just _try_ and kill me." He said and closed in to place a new kiss to Jiyong's lips. Jiyong sighed softly. He was definitely falling for Youngbae, but with every kiss the uneasy feeling in his chest grew, gnawing at his insides.  
"I should leave, Seunghyun said to do so before lunch," he said a little too rough as he pulled back, turning his back to Youngbae, walking inside the guest room on his way out to get his shoes, knife, pants and jacket. Seunghyun could keep the torn shirt and the underwear as a trophy or whatever. Jiyong was bitter and nearly shaking, he hadn't smoked in over 24 hours and he was even more desperate for a fix. He noticed this now as he held his bloody clothes in one hand, looking for money or cigarettes in the pockets. He found a pack with one poor cig left and he took it between his lips, walking towards the door, avoiding to look at Youngbae as he did. He was trembling even more now.  
"See ya!" He called out as he unlocked the door to the apartment and slammed it shut on the confused voices, and he was suddenly on the verge of a panic attack. He ran again, out of the building, down the street and into a small alley. He didn't stop until he reached the second street. He lit his cig and inhaled deeply, trying to stop the trembling, starting to walk towards his mother's place. She didn't hate him even though she didn't really like him either, and he knew if things got rough he could always slack there.  
He walked. Tried to calm down. Tried to ignore the feeling that twisted his gut to the point of aching, making him wince in physical pain. Tried to silence the voice screaming in his head to go back. Tried to tell himself that he didn't belong there, with the upperclass. Tried to think that just because his mom had a social status didn't mean he had one. Tried to block out the faces of the people he had just met. Once again he let out an anguished scream and picked up his pace. He needed to get fucked up, he needed to drown all and every little feeling filling his body in alcohol, drugs and more sex. Seunghyun was just the beginning of a long line of fuck ups. The only thing Jiyong was good at.  
He walked, and he watched people cross the street to avoid passing him, despite being clean and not dressed like he usually was. Maybe it was the bruises or the sour expression. Maybe it was the heavy boots or the small cross tattooed on his cheek. He didn't know but it pissed him off even more. He stared down into the concrete, walking with his hands in his pockets, trying to shut people out. He reached his mother's apartment not too much later, buzzing the intercom.  
"It's Jiyong," he said and she was quiet for a while before pressing green for him to come in. He took the elevator up to the top floor, to be greeted by an open door.  
"Hello?" He called out, but nobody answered. His mind stopped working completely when he entered the living room and his mother's ever so neatly white home was splattered with blood. In the middle of it all was his mother, pale and still, and Jiyong couldn't even scream, couldn't even cry. He backed out in the hallway again, turning around to leave, only to stand face to face with Chaerin. She lifted her hand to press one finger against her lips, shushing him, then she jumped over the fence to the stairs and easily navigated her way down to the bottom floor. Jiyong's mind was still blank. He started to tremble again, closing the door to walk into the apartment once more. He knew calling the police would be futile, they'd arrest him.  
He felt sick at the thought of his, in this matter, innocent mother being murdered in his place, more than his mother actually being murdered. Of course he loved her in his own way, but he had learnt to live without her, especially with all the shit he had been through. He found a sports bag and went into the guest room and picked out his clothes that he kept in the small wardrobe kept there purely for his sake, as the room had been his once. He also took the pillow, walked into his mother's room and took some of her clothes as well. He was only human. He found the stash of money she always kept hidden, as well as her drugs, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to be happy for free drugs or sad that she had lied to him about having quit shooting up. What did it even matter now anyways? He took them as well, before walking into the bathroom, taking some more stuff. He was trembling the entire time. All he wanted was to get out of here. A voice in the back of his head told him to go back to Seunghyun's place, and he turned his head to the side with a snarl, trying to force the thought out of his mind without much luck. He clutched the sink and inhaled as deep as he could, and then he straightened out and left. He couldn't go home, he couldn't go to his mom, he couldn't go to Jiho and he couldn't go to Chaerin. He growled and stopped by a small store to buy more cigarettes and then kept walking. He didn't know where he was going. He just knew he had to get away. From everything. He was being smothered by the weight of his own shit. He should've guessed this was going to happen eventually.  
He crossed the road to go inside the grocery store, buying himself something to eat and drink as he got away. When he got out he thought he saw Daesung, but then he was gone again and Jiyong shook his head.  
There was a club not too long from here Jiyong knew the owner of, he could probably stay there at least tonight. Plus he always got free booze. He flipped up the hood and stalked all the way there. He opened the door to the club that served as a restaurant until nine pm. He smiled a little at the waiter, a young man he hadn't seen before. His name tag said Leo, and Jiyong guessed he was one of the dancers or singers, since they were the only ones Hyunsuk bothered giving stage names.  
"Is Hyunsuk in?" He asked and fixed the bag on his shoulder.  
The young man shook his head.  
"I'm afraid not, but he will be in a couple of hours. Would you like something to eat while you wait for him?" He asked with a soft voice. Jiyong shrugged.  
"I'm in the need for some booze though, do you mind opening the bar for me?"  
Leo seemed slightly nervous about this but nodded and turned around to lead Jiyong to the bar, where a blonde boy already stood, polishing glasses. Jiyong recognised Wonsik, of course he would, he was a rapper just like Jiyong himself.  
Wonsik looked at Leo in a way that reminded him of how Daesung had looked at Seunghyun. Like his entire world consisted of him and that it would shatter if he left and Jiyong couldn't hold back a smile.  
"Yo Ravi," he greeted the other and he was greeted back with a bro fist.  
"Good job, Taekwoon," he said softly to Leo, who blushed and looked down at the floor. Jiyong was slightly curious about this Leo, who's real name apparently was Taekwoon. He seemed too innocent to be working in a club like this. He disappeared when new customers entered and left Jiyong with Wonsik, who looked after him.  
"Why is he called Leo?" Jiyong asked as he sat down. Wonsik chuckled and turned to mix Jiyong a drink.  
"He might not look it," he said as he poured the liquor, "but he's a beast. If you stay tonight you'll see for yourself. But I'll cut off your hands if you touch him, he's mine."  
Now it was Jiyong's turn to chuckle. "You think you can own a person, especially after Hyunsuk laid his hands on them? In a club like this?" He shook his head and turned to look at Taekwoon again. He could see why Wonsik wanted him though.  
"He's mine," Wonsik repeated. "He had a strict upbringing, that's why he has trouble expressing his feelings. But he's learning." Jiyong turned back to Wonsik, removing the hood.  
"You seem proud of him."  
"Of course I'm proud of him. He used to not talk at all, and now he's interacting with people. He's come so far in just a few months. I think being on stage helps a lot as well." Wonsik handed Jiyong the drink with a smile. "Tell me what you think."  
"Being on stage helps everyone," Jiyong noted and took a sip. "What is it that he's doing?"  
Wonsik laughed.  
"Everything. He's literally capable of almost everything."  
Jiyong smiled a little and downed the drink.  
"Really good, in all honesty. I'd pay for that. Now give me something strong, I don't want to be able to walk straight, even less think when Hyunsuk gets here. Wonsik frowned a little.  
"Did something happen?" He asked, causing Jiyong to laugh out loud.  
"What didn't happen is a more appropriate question," he said and took the glass of Scotch whiskey Wonsik poured him and downed that in one go as well.  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Wonsik asked, rearranging some bottles.  
"Nah, what happened has already happened, nothing I can do about it."  
Wonsik nodded slowly.  
"I understand. I'm all ears if you change your mind though," he replied and Jiyong grimaced.  
"You sound like Youngbae."  
"Youngbae? Dong Youngbae?" Wonsik looked up.  
"Fuck if I know his last name. I'm wearing his clothes, he lives with three other dudes and apparently he sings, that's about as much as I know about him."  
"Dude, you're totally talking about Taeyang," Wonsik laughed.  
"Yeah, one of them called him Taeyangi. Why, do you know him?"  
Wonsik laughed again.  
"He works here. Seunghyun.. Eh, Mr Choi is one of Mr Yang's closest friends."  
Jiyong groaned.  
"Are you fucking serious? Seunghyun fucked the shit out of me last night and I threatened to kill him at least five times. I left their fucking place not even two hours ago," Jiyong whined and rubbed his face, crossing his arms on the bar, hiding his face on them. Wonsik chuckled.  
"Better not stay here then, Tae just came home from his tour, and he's coming here with his boyfriends tonight. He's on the list to open and close the main stage," Wonsik said as he walked behind the bar to fix something in the freezers and Jiyong groaned even louder against his arms.  
“Can you open Hyunsuk’s office?” he asked, peeking up from his arms to look at Wonsik. He didn’t reply until he stood up after having refilled the freezer.  
“Yeah, sure,” he replied and walked out from behind the bar, and Jiyong snatched the Whiskey bottle before he stood up. Woksik shook his head.  
“Don’t get too fucked up,” he warned and Jiyong chuckled.  
“Nah,” he replied, picking up his bag from the floor, following the blonde bartender to the office that had a glass wall, that from the outside was toned. Jiyong settled in the comfy office chair and relaxed back once he was inside, having dumped his bag on the floor and put the bottle on the table.  
“I’ll leave you since I’m on a shift, but just call for me if you want anything, okay?”  
“Aye aye.”  
Jiyong brought the bottle to his lips when Wonsik left, the door locking automatically. He waited five minutes. And then he waited five more. Making sure nobody was coming in. He drank some more. Cursing his life. He was starting to get drunk and he drank some more. Spun around in the chair until he felt like throwing up. Laid down on the floor, drinking another mouthful of whiskey. He wasn't sure how long he laid on his back, letting his thoughts roam free or how much he drank, but when he stood up from the floor the entire world was spinning and he stumbled and braced himself against the desk, rubbing his forehead. He couldn't focus on anything and he had completely forgotten about Jiho and his mom and he reached into the bag to take out the drugs.  
He wasn't too much for heroin and he sighed in relief when the bag with powder said c, pourin out some on the table, using his mother's credit card to make neat lines on the well polished surface of Hyunsuk's dark desk. He used one of the bills to snort the white powder, laughing on the inside at how upperclass it all seemed. When he had snorted both lines he leant back in the chair, waiting for the rush, knowing he had probably taken too much. He didn't care, if he died he wouldn't have to take care of his fucking shit anymore.  
Someone started talking on the stage below the office, and Jiyong slid over to the toned windows to look down at the stage on the floor below, seeing Youngbae. This was almost ironic. He started to sing, and Jiyong closed his eyes and listened to his soft voice, feeling his brain slow down as he fell deeper into the rush. It didn't quite stop and he smiled to himself and thought that this wasn't a too bad ending.  
"I'm gonna love you to death," the words rang in his ears and a couple of tears found themselves escaping his eyes, and even though he had fucked up everything he was thankful for the weird little squad he had met. Even if it was just brief.  
The rush didn't stop and he couldn't even react when the door was basically thrown open. He struggled to even manage to open his eyes, and once he did he couldn't focus.  
"Hyunsuk!" He spilled, flailing his hand that he could barely manage to lift before it fell heavy in his lap again.  
"I'm fucked on coke," he chuckled and couldn't keep his eyes open. The voice responding to him was hard to place but it wasn't Hyunsuk and Jiyong struggled once again to open his eyes.  
"How fucking stupid are you?" The deep voice came and his jaw was gripped in a strong hand and Jiyong's brain struggled to place the voice. He yawned and slid a little deeper down in the chair only to be gripped by the shoulders and pulled up.  
"Don't you dare fall asleep," the voice growled and he was left, and he ignored the order, sliding down in the chair again, Youngbae's voice still echoing in his ears. Jiyong had barely relaxed into the chair before he was pulled up into a sitting position again and he groaned at having to move and opened his eyes, still having a hard time to focus his vision.  
"Seunghyun!" He then remembered who the voice belonged to and forced his eyes to focus on the face in front of his own.  
"Tell Youngbae he sings very well," he said, tears forming in his eyes again and he closed them. "I would have loved to make a song with him," he continued and he could hear Seunghyun shift.  
"You're not dying, Jiyong." Seunghyun's voice was sharp and Jiyong chuckled.  
"I think I am," Jiyong replied with a smile, opening his eyes once more, his body having reached the bottom of the rush, being all calm and cold. He smiled softly.  
"Goodnight, Seunghyun."


	2. Just stay with me forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong is recovering and is slowly adapting to the life with the men he met. It's not easy but he's doing his best. Then something happens that might be the end for them all...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIXED IT SO THE CHAPTERS APPEAR IN THE SAME THING   
> Warning for lots of triggers in this chapter, like child abuse, murder, blood, anxiety, and so on. Sorry not sorry.  
> I'm sorry this chapter is pretty messy and there's a LOT of conversations. I hope you like it anyways!  
> HAPPY NEW YEAR Y'ALL enjoy the cliffhanger at the end !

Seunghyun tried not to care about Jiyong, tried his best to keep his spiteful attitude towards him but it was in his nature to help people, to rescue them if he could. Jiyong had made sure he didn't want to be a part of their lives when he left, so when Wonsik said that Jiyong was there, at Hyunsuk's club, he knew it was fate. He could save the bruised, hurt little warrior, he could give him a life. Stop his wounds from bleeding.  
He sat his boys down and told them to order as he went to Hyunsuk's office where he was told Jiyong was. He unlocked the door to be greeted by the smell of alcohol and a Jiyong who could barely move.  
Seunghyun didn't know if he should get pissed or scared as Jiyong told him he had overdosed on cocaine. He was mostly offended, he found himself thinking as he called for either waiter to call for an ambulance. He entered Hyunsuk’s office again and forced the smaller, bruised man to sit up.  
”Jiyong, you’re not dying,” he said, the pale looking young man in front of him being on the verge to pass out.  
”I think I am. Goodnight, Seunghyun.”  
Jiyong’s voice was calm, as if he was at peace with dying. Seunghyun surely wasn’t at peace with the boy dying.  
”Don’t you fucking dare,” he hissed as he supported the smaller body so it wouldn’t collapse to the floor.  
His eyes was tearing up as he watched Jiyong slowly slip into a coma that could kill him. 

_Seunghyun was hiding behind the sofa, barely breathing out of fear. He heard his mother's pleas of mercy and he heard his father hit her. If he closed his eyes he could imagine his scrunched up face as he yelled at her in rage, spit flying out of his mouth as he raised his hand to hit her again.  
He didn’t close his eyes. He stared at the floor, praying that his father would calm down and that it would all be over. He held his younger sister closer to his chest, hugged her. He wanted to say that everything was fine but that would be a huge lie. It wasn’t okay and it would never be.  
He heard something break and his mother's sounds went quiet and his father's yelling stopped. The heavy steps echoed in his ears and then the sofa was torn from its place and he stared up in the face of his father. His eyes were blank in a way he had never seen them before and his face could have been carved out of stone. He grabbed Hyeyoon's hair and forced her to stand up, Seunghyun yelling at him as she was crying for him to let her go.  
He pushed Seunghyun to the floor and dragged Hyeyoon into the hallway and slammed her against the wall before grabbing a chokehold of her. Seunghyun could not bear to watch it, not his sister. He ran to the kitchen only to see his mother lying on the floor with her back broken, a damaged chair lying beside her. He gasped for air as tears fell down his cheeks and he grabbed the biggest knife he could find. He didn't hesitate. He couldn't hesitate.  
He ran up to his father and wrapped his small child arms around his body, jamming the knife into his stomach. He repeated this until his father collapsed onto the floor.  
He turned to Hyeyoon, who was lying on the floor, but it wasn't right. She was bleeding and she was crying.  
"Hye," Seunghyun whispered and held her body close to his.  
"I'm gonna save you," he added. Hyeyoon smiled at him and then coughed, her face scrunching up in pain.  
"Brother, I love you.." She whispered, and met his eyes before her breath stopped. Seunghyun couldn't breathe as he held her, sobbing into her long hair.  
"I love you, I love you, I'm sorry," he kept repeating the words over and over and he didn't know how long he sat there with his sister but when the police came she was cold and stiff and he screamed when they took her from him.  
She was six and a half when she died.  
He was eight when he killed his father to protect his sister. He was eight when he swore that he would do everything in his power to help other people and make sure evildoers was punished.  
He was eight years old when his life was destroyed. _

 

Everything was spinning and he felt like throwing up. Maybe he did, he wasn’t sure. It was dark and light at the same time and it was so dreadfully quiet just like it felt as if every sound was amplified a hundred times and it felt like his brain was going to explode. He tried to cover his ears, but he couldn’t control his body. He couldn’t control anything as all.  
He tried to speak but he wasn’t sure if that worked either so instead he tried to fall back into the darkness that had threatened to consume him. It wouldn’t come and he desperately tried to reach it. Anything was better than this hell. He wasn’t even sure how long he had been enduring it. It felt like seconds and hours at the same time. 

After another eternity he could feel the darkness fade even more and the sounds got quieter. He shifted and tried to open his eyes, only to be greeted by blinding light, so he closed them again.  
Something gripped his hand and he jerked it away and at that action a familiar voice rang in his ears and he swallowed hard. Jiho..?  
"Jiyong.. I'm here. Everything will be fine," Jiho said softly and he remembered who he was as his name was mentioned.  
Jiyong wanted to open his eyes but the light would blind him and he didn't want to see Jiho anyways. He tried to speak but his mouth and throat was dry as a dessert and he swallowed hard and he managed to choke out "water".  
"Take it carefully," Jiho said and then a bottle was placed softly against his lips and a hand settled on his jaw, helping him to drink. He nearly choked at the stream of water entering his mouth before he could control himself enough to not cough.  
"The lights," he groaned once his mouth wasn't killing him. Jiho stroked his cheek once before pulling back and Jiyong sighed and tried to open his eyes again when he heard the lights was turned off.  
His brain still thought it was too light and he squeezed them shut again, cracking only one open ever so slightly. He saw the silhouette of what he thought was Jiho but it didn't look like Jiho at all. He opened his eyes a little wider, only to see a tall dark haired man.  
"Seung..Hyun?" He asked after having opened his eyes completely, processing the face for a minute. The man smiled softly.  
"The doctors asked where you got all your wounds and I told them you got into a bar fight. I hope you don't mind."  
Jiyong shook his head.  
"Why did you save me?" He asked when he started to regain his memories.  
Seunghyun sat down again and sighed softly. Rubbed his face with his hand as if he didn't know what to say.  
"I guess it's in my nature," he replied after a while, looking at Jiyong.  
"What?" Jiyong said a little pissed.  
"I can't help but to fall so hard in love with boys like you. I wanted to hate you, I tried to hate you, I even contemplated just leaving when I found you and I contemplated leaving once they said you were stabile. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not when you need me."  
Jiyong sat up from having half laid before and stared at Seunghyun, his eyes shooting daggers.  
"What?" He spat, his hands balling up into fists.  
"Don't be stupid, Jiyong, you obviously need someone to look after you," Seunghyun shot back, sounding a little annoyed.  
"I don't need anyone and especially not you," Jiyong spat back, still staring at Seunghyun.  
"So you're saying you'd rather be homeless and hated than loved and always financially supported?" Seunghyun asked calmly.  
"Yes!" Jiyong almost yelled, tears forming in his eyes. "If I don't have any expectations of people I won't be disappointed," he added much quieter, turning his face away from Seunghyun.  
"It all hurts," he whispered. "It hurts so fucking much.."  
Seunghyun gently placed his hand on top of Jiyong's balled fist, stroking it carefully.  
"Come back to my place," he said.  
"We can help you. I think it would do you great," he continued, looking at Jiyong's turned away face with his black eyes.  
Jiyong swallowed and looked down at the blanket, shivering lightly. He could feel a panic attack crawl up on him and he swallowed hard and tried to fight it, not wanting to show his emotions to other people. He hated being weak. He wasn't weak.  
"Just go," he choked out, shivering more and more. He pulled his hand from Seunghyun's and Seunghyun looked a bit confused as Jiyong's breath grew heavier.  
"Are you okay? Lay down, you should rest.." Seunghyun murmured and tried to push the smaller man down on his back again.  
"Don't t-touch me!" Jiyong stuttered out and flinched away before tensing up completely, his breath being rapid and shallow. Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he curled up on himself, gripping his hair tightly.  
"Jiyong.. Jiyong calm down," Seughyun's voice was distant yet too close and seconds later he felt a weight on the hospital bed and strong arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a bone crushing embrace. He didn't even try to fight it, he just clutched onto Seunghyun's arms, crying into his chest. 

Never had he broke down like this in front of anyone except Jiho and he had no idea why he did it now. Sure, he was full of drugs and medicine and extremely emotionally unstable but he had been that before and yet.. Yet he felt secure around Seunghyun. Like his arms actually could manage to hold him together when he broke. He wanted to go back with him. Take his hand and never look back, but it wasn't that easy.  
Seunghyun stroked his hair and hushed at him softly, telling him to relax. He felt kind of like a father, a father Jiyong never had. 

"You should have let me die," Jiyong mumbled when the panic attack had subsided and he was breathing normally again.  
"I will just continue to fuck up, get high and try to die subconsciously. Or maybe consciously. I don't even know..."  
He swallowed and Seunghyun sighed.  
"Just let us help," he said softly. "How old are you even? 19? 20?" He continued and stroked his thumb over the cross on Jiyong's cheek.  
"I turn 26 in five months.." He said and turned his face away.  
"You look so young," Seunghyun's voice was soft. "Youngbae is also born 88," he said. "His birthday is in a month. Daesung turns 20 in barely two weeks. You should celebrate it with us. He'd be very happy," Seunghyun was just talking to keep Jiyong's thoughts off of everything that hurt him. It was working.  
"Wait, he's 19? Youngbae said you'd been together for three years..? Was he 17? How old is Seungri?" Jiyong felt bad for the two boys.  
"Seungri is 19, he's born in December."  
"So he was what, 16 when you took care of them?"  
Seunghyun nodded.  
"How long had they been forced to sell sex before that?" Jiyong hated the world.  
"Seungri was 15 and Daesung was barely 16." Seunghyun looked like he was in pain when he thought back on the boy's past.  
"Fuck..." Jiyong swallowed. "They were just kids.."  
Seunghyun nodded again.  
"Yes. Seungri's father was the one who sold him, and he's still suffering from daddy issues. That's why he's so attached to me."  
Now it was Jiyong's turn to nod.  
"I.. I understand him.." He said and looked down on his hands.  
"My father.. He.. He wasn't the best and you feel like the father I wanted but never had."  
Seunghyun wrapped one arm around Jiyong's waist a little tighter.  
"How old are you?" Jiyong asked.  
"I turn 35 in November," Seunghyun chuckled. "I know I'm old," he added. Jiyong smiled softly and looked up at the older man.  
"You're hot as fuck though, so I don't mind."  
Jiyong could've sworn he saw a small blush spread across Seunghyun's cheeks before he looked the other way.  
"Thank you," he said and cleared his throat, looking back at Jiyong. 

"Will you come?" He asked after a few moments of silence. Jiyong swallowed and shifted a little.  
"I don't know.." He said, looking away from Seunghyun. "I will probably have to leave town anyway, unless I want to be killed.. I.. I have nothing left here."  
Seunghyun swallowed and nodded slowly.  
"What happened?" He said, his deep voice soft.  
"It doesn't matter." Jiyong's voice was sharp and Seunghyun grabbed his chin to force him to look him in the eyes.  
"Jiyong, stop bottling things inside of you until you snap, talk to me instead."  
"I don't want to." Jiyong shot back and stared Seunghyun in the eyes.  
"Please. Talk to me. It helps. Trust me."  
"It doesn't change anything though!" Jiyong bit.  
"It doesn't change what has happened, but it will lessen the burden on your shoulders and let you know there are people who care about you." Seunghyun's voice was almost annoyed and Jiyong swallowed. Opened his mouth and then closed it again. Looked away from Seunghyun and then back at him, trying to make up his mind on if he should tell him or not. He decided to trust the man when he gave the tiniest of smiles at the same time he gently as a feather squeezed Jiyong's hand to encourage him.  
Jiyong took a breath and closed his eyes for a few seconds, and when he opened them again he spoke.  
"I was abused sexually and physically by my father for three years. He left when I was ten. My mother started doing drugs, to cope with the pain. She never hated me but the drugs made her become violent so I left when I was eleven. I met Zico on the streets and we became a duo. Survived on our own, in the big cruel world. We met CL when I were just about to turn thirteen and she coaxed Bom into letting us join the gang. Bom was leader during the time and CL was second in command despite being only 16. That became my life and I killed my first person when I was 14. I've watched people I love die and I've watched people watch people _they_ love die."  
He paused and inhaled shakily.  
"A few days ago Zico fucked up a job and a very dangerous person escaped, resulting in the deaths of three of our nine core members. CL, who is now currently the leader, killed him. She let me go mostly because I saved her life once, and because she's always liked me. I ran and I met your little crew and I left. CL killed my mother and I left again. I overdosed on cocaine and here we are."  
Jiyong spilled more about himself than he had ever done before. He didn't even know why. Maybe because Seunghyun calmed him. He felt secure with the taller man, as if nothing could harm him. That was far from the truth though, but Jiyong liked the thought.  
Seunghyun looked like he was boiling. His neck was tense, his fists clenched and his teeth gritted. He didn't speak and Jiyong didn't say another word. It was like he was drained and he slumped back against the mattress, unable to support his own weight a single second longer.  
Seunghyun sat still and quiet for a good two minutes before he stood up.  
"I'm gonna get a smoke," he said and started to leave, but Jiyong reached forward and grabbed his wrist.  
"Don't leave me, please.." His words were quiet, and Seunghyun turned around and pulled Jiyong in for the most emotional embrace he had ever gotten.  
"I don't think I've ever been this mad," he said into Jiyong's hair, his voice rough, as if he was crying.  
Jiyong didn't know what to reply so he stayed quiet until Seunghyun pulled back.  
"Can I come?" He whispered, eyes scared. "With you, I mean..?" He added and averted his eyes to the bed covers.  
Seunghyun stayed silent for a short while as he smiled softly.  
"You already know my answer," he said, leaning down to capture Jiyong's lips in a soft kiss.  
"Can I go smoke now?" He said when he pulled back and Jiyong swallowed.  
"I want a smoke too.." He mumbled and Seunghyun sighed.  
"You should stay away from all kinds of drugs," he said and sat down on the chair beside the bed again.  
"Smoke can wait," he declared just as someone knocked on the door. Both of their heads perked up and when the door opened Jiyong couldn't hold back a smile.

In the doorway stood the angel that had helped him the day before, his warm eyes worried. Behind him stood Youngbae, and he looked even more worried than Daesung. Behind them both was Seungri and Jiyong felt his heart clench at the sight of the boys. Even Seungri looked a bit worried but it was probably more because of Seunghyun being alone with Jiyong than Jiyong almost dying.  
They all entered and as predicted, Seungri got directly up to Seunghyun whereas Youngbae stayed in the background and Daesung sat down on Jiyong's bed.  
"You scared the life out of us," Daesung whispered and then he couldn't control himself and he slumped down on top of Jiyong to hug him tight.  
"I was so scared..." He whispered, and Jiyong stroked his back softly.  
"I'm sorry," he whispered back and Daesung let out a sob.  
"Hey, don't cry... I'm fine." Jiyong kept stroking Daesung's back until he pulled away and wiped his eyes.  
"I'm glad you're safe..." His voice was weak and Jiyong took his hand and squeezed it.  
"I'm sorry," he mumbled and looked Daesung in the eyes but then Youngbae was there and sat down on the edge of his bed and Jiyong looked at him. He didn't say anything, he just held Jiyong's gaze long enough to make Jiyong uncomfortable before he spoke.  
"Okay, so you're a fucking asshole," he said and Jiyong's breath hitched. That was unexpected.  
"Youngbae.." Seunghyun's tone was firm and warning.  
"Shut up," he didn't look away from Jiyong as he told Seunghyun to shut it.  
"I told you things and you answered and I though that meant something and then you leave and the next time I see you you've tried to _kill_ yourself?!" Tears had welled up in Youngbae's eyes and his hands was balled up.  
"And upon that you do it watching me open mic? _How_ do you think that makes _me_ feel?!" The tears were falling freely now and Jiyong didn't even know how to react.  
"The world doesn't revolve around _you_ , there are other people in it you have to take into fucking consideration. _Especially_ if you're gonna tell them you love them!"  
He furiously wiped his eyes, as he stared Jiyong down. Jiyong had no idea what to say so he went by his heart.  
He sat up, grabbed Youngbae's shirt and kissed him.  
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry.. I didn't overdose intentionally, please believe me..." Jiyong mumbled, leaning his forehead against Youngbae's.  
"I believe you," Youngbae whispered back and Jiyong wiped his tears away, kissing his nose.  
"I just thought we'd lost you before we even had you..."  
Jiyong smiled a little at his words.  
"You have me now.." He mumbled softly. "It looks like I'm moving in with you.."  
Both Youngbae and Daesung attacked him with hugs and Seunghyun chuckled a little. 

 

Jiyong was allowed to leave the hospital the following day and he was more nervous about going home with the odd little squad than he could remembered he had ever been before.  
As he got out through the doors of the building he pulled out a pack of smokes and with trembling fingers he put one to his lips and light it, Daesung looking at him a little worriedly.  
"I guess you don't smoke?" Jiyong asked after a couple of drags, as they walked towards the row of taxis that waited like lions for their prey to get closer before they attacked.  
Daesung shook his head.  
"No," he replied and swallowed. "I tried once because a customer offered me and we were not allowed to say no. I managed not to cough but I am pretty sure I almost threw up after. How do you do that willingly?"  
Jiyong smiled softly but his eyes shone with anger - not at Daesung, but at the people that had forced him to go through all this.  
"It calms my mind," he said. "The trembling stop and sometimes even the panic attacks."  
Daesung looked at Jiyong with an expression resembling a kicked puppy.  
"Do you often get panic attacks?" He asked quietly and averted his eyes and Jiyong slowly blowed out the smoke through his nose.  
"It's fair to say I'll probably get a lot more now," he said with a laugh and flicked the rest of the cig on the ground, stepping on it.  
Daesung didn't reply but as they sat in the taxi going home, his fingers brushed Jiyong's a few times and then grabbed a hold of his pinky and ring finger with his own. Jiyong smiled to himself and pulled his hand away, only to slip it completely into Daesung's, lacing their fingers together.  
As they arrived at home Jiyong was greeted warmly by Youngbae pulling him into a warm embrace and then placing a soft kiss to his cheek.  
“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered.  
Seunghyun was working and Seungri was in his room, refusing to greet Jiyong until Daesung in anger physically forced him out to tell Jiyong welcome home.  
Jiyong swallowed and smiled softly at Seungri's harsh welcome, thanking him warmly to prove he was more than a gangster seeking refugee. Seungri blushed a little and then he was gone again.  
“He’ll come around,” Youngbae said with a small laugh. “He didn’t really like me in the beginning either.”  
“Is there anything I can do for him to dislike me a little less?” Jiyong asked as Youngbae and Daesung guided him into the livingroom.  
“He’s addicted to pandas, his nickname is Panda, and he’s generally fond of sweets,” Daesung replied and Jiyong nodded.  
“Just be sweet to him and he’ll melt, it’s not in his nature to dislike people,” Youngbae added and Jiyong nodded again.  
“I’ll do my best. Normally I probably would’ve beaten him into a pulp because I can’t stand brats, but I guess that’s not an option here,” he chuckled. “I hate being lowest in rank. It makes me feel vulnerable.”  
Both Youngbae and Daesung looked a little confused.  
“We.. We don’t do “rank”, Jiyong..” Daesung’s voice was soft. “Well, okay Seunghyun is kind of the leader, we all listen to him, but that’s because he’s the oldest and we love him, not because he owns us… We’re all equal..”  
Jiyong didn’t really understand how there couldn’t be rankings in a collective.  
“Yeah, but Seunghyun listens to us as much as we listen to him,” Youngbae said and pressed Jiyong down into the black leather sofa.  
“I still don’t really get it, ranks come natural.. All packs have it.”  
“We’re not a _pack_ , oh my god Jiyong, you make us sound like animals!” Daesung looked almost offended but then he saw the look on Jiyong’s face and he blushed furiously, realizing his mistake as he sat down beside him.  
“I am so sorry, I didn’t mean it like that…!” He placed a hand on Jiyong’s wrist but he instinctively flinched away.  
“It’s fine. I am an animal, you’re not the first one to tell me.”  
Youngbae gently smacked his head, causing him to look up from the floor.  
“You’re not an animal. Daesung isn’t used to pack life, he doesn’t know it occurs in the human world as well.” Youngbae shot a glare at Daesung.  
“It’s fine, I said _it’s fine_ ,” Jiyong was almost offended that they didn’t take his words for it. He swallowed down his pride and accepted his status. He couldn’t be stuck up with them, because whatever they thought they we’re above him.  
“Okay, okay,” Youngbae held up his hands as he sat down on the coffee table in front of Jiyong.  
"Just relax and listen now okay?" Youngbae's voice was suddenly more serious than before.  
"O...kay?" He asked, a bit nervous all of the sudden. Daesung took a hold of Jiyong's hand again and he didn't flinch away this time, lacing their fingers together.  
"There are a few rules that you _have_ to follow unless you want hell to break lose. The number one, most important rule is you don't touch Seunghyun's art or his chairs. Just don't. He will break your neck," Youngbae's voice was still serious.  
"Don't drink the wine either, unless you're offered. It's really expensive."  
"Really. Expensive." Daesung butted in.  
"Don't have sex in shared areas unless everyone's okay with it or you clean up afterwards."  
"Don't leave for a longer time without telling at least one person where you're going or bring a phone."  
Jiyong held up his hands, hushing the two.  
"Jesus calm down," he said. "I can't keep up with you two!"  
Youngbae chuckled.  
"Listen faster then," he grinned.  
"Hey, don't underestimate me! I can probably speak faster than both of you," he said. "I can't process what you say and I feel like it's vital information if I want to survive living here."  
Daesung squeezed his side at the same time Youngbae slapped his shoulder.  
"Abuse!" He cried out and squirmed further away from Daesung on the sofa.  
"Who's actually underestimating who?" Youngbae chuckled.  
"I rap, you both sing, right? I win. They call me G-Dragon for a reason. I spit fire and soar above everyone else." Jiyong smirked and crossed his legs, leaning back into the sofa.  
"I rap too, kind of," Youngbae shot back, playfully kicking Jiyong's foot.  
"We'll have to have a battle then," Jiyong said, still confident he could win easily. So far he had won all battles he had been in and he surely didn't lack confidence in his skill. Youngbae wouldn't win even if he was good.  
"I guess," he replied and Daesung grinned.  
"You should go against Seunghyun," he said.  
"He dislikes admitting it but he's a fantastic rapper. Like absolutely amazing!"  
Jiyong hummed. He would never have guessed.  
"I can imagine his voice would suit the art," he said, trying to think of what he would sound like.  
"He used to be an underground rapper, but he's kind of embarrassed to admit it," Youngbae chuckled.  
"Really? What name did he go by?" Jiyong was really curious now.  
"He never said that.." Youngbae sighed.  
"I have to interrogate this matter. Now continue with the rules!" Jiyong really had to ask Seunghyun about this sometime.  
"Don't feel any pressure to make an income, both Seunghyun and I make a good amount of money, Seunghyun more than I do," Youngbae said. "Just know that it's fine to not make money, we don't want you running around killing people."  
Jiyong chuckled.  
"I'm pretty _unemployed_ right now, so don't worry about me killing people. It's not like I do it for fun."  
Both Youngbae and Daesung nodded slowly, looking too intimidated for Jiyong's liking.  
"What?" He asked, a little suspicious.  
"What is it like to kill someone?" Daesung asked, speaking for them both probably.  
"Awful. I don't really want to talk about it, please?"  
The two blushed a little and excused themselves and Jiyong told them it was fine. 

The first two days with his new crew was pretty easy. Jiyong's mind was kept off of Jiho and his mother, and he was left drained at the end of each day, falling asleep the same second his head hit the pillow. He barely even dreamt, he just slept throughout the nights.  
The third night he was a little on the edge and a lot of sounds made him nervous and he had problems sleeping, he kept waking up.  
The fourth day was the worst, the panic attacks started again, with more intensity than before, and they came without being triggered, but he could feel them creep up on him. He broke down at least four times, managing to sneak off. He kept this up for another couple of days before he started to be unable to control the panic. 

Jiyong clutched onto the counter, his hands turning white at how hard he gripped. He could fight it, he _knew_ he could. Yet, somehow, he couldn't move, he just stood there clutching the cool surface, his breath getting more shallow and rapid.  
"Jiyong?" Daesung's voice seemed off and far away and Jiyong turned his face to the floor, trying to control the shivers pulsating through his body. He wanted to reply that he was fine but he couldn't manage to open his mouth, but Daesung seemed to get it anyways.  
He pulled Jiyong into a warm embrace, holding him tight against his chest, and Jiyong hugged back, clinging onto the taller of the two.  
"Take it easy," he whispered into Jiyong's hair, gently stroking his back. The he started to hum softly, stroking his hand up to massage Jiyong's scalp. He kept humming low into Jiyong's hair, gently petting him. It still took ten minutes until he calmed down.  
"Thank you," he whispered as he wiped his tears with his wrists.  
"It's nothing," Daesung mumbled back and tilted Jiyong's head up to place a soft peck to his lips. Jiyong smiled a little and then they went back to preparing breakfast.  
Seungri entered the kitchen a few minutes later and Jiyong's heart made a little jump and he didn't even know why, he always got nervous around the youngest in the house.  
"Good morning," the blonde greeted them, and Daesung replied that he had to shower and left Jiyong alone with Seungri despite his lame attempts to stop him. Surely, Seungri wasn't exactly rude or bitter towards Jiyong after a week of living together but he surely didn't engage in any conversations with him either, and Jiyong was just generally awkward around the younger male.  
"Did you sleep well?" Jiyong asked after a minute of silence.  
"Yeah," Seungri's reply came and Jiyong swallowed. He didn't know what to say so he just fixed his coffee and sat down by the dark table, and Seungri did the same once he had fixed his breakfast.  
Jiyong tried to ignore him but it was hard, he kept looking at him, getting more and more nervous. He picked with his fingers, biting his nails and tried to stop shivering. He would panic again, he could feel it, but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to leave the room. That's when Seungri interacted with him first, for the first time ever.  
"Jiyong, stop picking," he said and reached over the table to grab Jiyong's wrist.  
"I know you're nervous but you don't have to be, so stop."  
Seungri's voice was more worried than he tried to make himself out to be and Jiyong swallowed, biting his lower lip instead, his gaze dropping. That caused Seungri to stand up and round the table, standing in front of Jiyong.  
“You’re safe,” he whispered and stroked Jiyong’s lips with his thumb, making the older let go of it. Then he reached down and pressed his lips against Jiyong's and the same second their skin touched everything that made Jiyong panic suddenly seemed insignificant. The world kind of stopped a little.  
But Seungri wasn't slow to pull back and go back to his breakfast though, leaving Jiyong in some blissful alternative reality, as if the quick kiss had never happened at all and Jiyong was just imagining. Ten minutes later he wasn't even sure if it had happened at all because Seungri was sitting peacefully by the table, eating his breakfast, not sparing Jiyong as much as a glance and Jiyong was so confused by the younger male.  
He didn't get more time to worry about it though as Youngbae and Seunghyun both entered the kitchen and Seungri lit up like a happy puppy and Jiyong thought then that he would never understand him.

Daesung came back from his shower some time later and Jiyong sat quiet and watched the four as they spoke and at times they would sneak glances at him when they thought he wasn't watching and Jiyong had never experienced this kind of feeling before.  
Despite sitting quiet with his cup of cooling coffee he felt like a part of the group.  
Despite having known them for just about over a week, he felt like he was home, and the feeling hit him to the core and he couldn't stop the tears.  
"Hey, Ji, what's wrong?" Youngbae murmured and shifted towards him, and the rest got silent, but not in a judging way and Jiyong shook his head.  
"You'll think I'm mad or laugh at me," he chuckled, trying to stop his tears. Youngbae placed a hand on his thigh and rubbed it ever so little.  
"No, I promise. Please say what's bothering you," he replied and smiled a small smile.  
"It's not something that's bothering me, it's the opposite.. I just... I feel so at home here.." He blushed and turned the stare at his hands and Daesung chuckled happily and when he looked up they were all smiling, even Seungri and Jiyong burst out in tears again. Youngbae pulled him close to press a kiss to his lips and Daesung took his hand and squeezed it before braiding their fingers together.  
Out of the four, Daesung was the one Jiyong felt the most comfortable with, but Youngbae was not far behind, though there was always that tension with him. He couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was but he guessed it was that he had crushed too hard on the boy the moment he met him. He wondered if he would dare to sleep with him without feeling like he would fuck everything up.  
He still felt some kind of aggression coming from Seunghyun at times, but nothing else had happened after their first encounter. Seunghyun worked a lot and wasn't home that much, and when he was he spent a lot of time with his boys. Seungri was... Seungri. He wasn't even sure what Seungri was. Even less now. He acted like he didn't have a care in the world and then he is worried and then he's back to not giving a single fuck. It was so much for Jiyong to take in, to adjust to. Just Daesung alone was too much for Jiyong to handle, with his naive manners and sticking up to his boyfriend to save Jiyong's pathetic life.  
He looked up at the others and Seunghyun, Seungri and Daesung had stopped looking at him and gone back to talking softly with each other, even though Daesung was still holding his hand. He noticed that Daesung and Seunghyun had linked their pinkies together and Seunghyun was holding Seungri's hand on the table and Jiyong felt even more like a part of the family and he turned back to Youngbae and hid in the curve of his neck as Youngbae traced patterns on his free hand.  
Maybe Jiyong could grow to understand family and not pack life. Just maybe. 

Two days later it was Daesung’s birthday, and Jiyong was alone with him. Seunghyun was working until 3pm and Youngbae and Seungri was out to buy some things for the dinner party they were having later. Jiyong didn’t really know exactly what a dinner party was, but he assumed that other upper class men and maybe women was going to come there and eat dinner and talk and celebrate his angel.  
Youngbae had squeezed his hand as they said good bye for a while, and whispered “you know what to do,” in his ear. Jiyong did not know what to do. What had Youngbae mean?  
Daesung was squirming around on the couch and kicked at Jiyong’s legs and eventually the older of the two got a little annoyed.  
“What?” he snapped, harsher than he had intended. Daesung shot him a hurt glare and then pouted.  
“Nothing, you’re mad,” he said and Jiyong sighed a little.  
“I’m sorry. I’m not mad. Please tell me?”  
Daesung squirmed a little more and kept pouting.  
“Dae?” Jiyong sat up and laid down upon Daesung’s bitter shape.  
“Youngbae said you had something for me,” he said and didn't meet Jiyong's eyes.  
"I'm afraid I don't.." Jiyong said softly, scared that he might hurt the other.  
"He said they'll be gone for a while... Like probably more than an hour..."  
Jiyong was about to protest again that he had no idea but as he opened his mouth he realised. He looked down at the blushing young man under him and all that left his lips was a small "oh". At that Daesung looked up with a hopeful look.  
"Happy birthday nerd," Jiyong chuckled and leant down to softly kiss Daesung who looked like he was about to complain. He was silenced before he was able to, by Jiyong's lips though, but he didn't seem to mind at all as he instantly pushed up against Jiyong, a small needy sound escaping his lips, urging Jiyong to continue.  
Slowly Jiyong started to kiss his way down Daesung's neck, sliding his hands up under Daesung's t-shirt, stroking his fine chiseled body as he nibbled on the young man's neck and collarbone. Daesung kept whining but in an urging way, pressing Jiyong to continue. Jiyong did continue down after teasing his throat, unbuttoning the black jeans, pulling them down enough to free Daesung's member. A pleased groan escaped Jiyong's lips as he realised Daesung was huge.  
"Are you sure you're only turning 20?" Jiyong looked up at Daesung from his place between his legs. "Because I'd call you daddy as you fucked me," he practically purred before he licked his lips and took Daesung in his mouth, working deep and slow. Daesung's member was fully erect within seconds of Jiyong's skilful mouth and another thirty seconds had him squirming in his place, his hands tangled in Jiyong's black hair. Maybe he wanted more, but instead Jiyong took him fully down, gagging every now and then, earning loud moans from the younger. Jiyong kept this up until Daesung came with a gasp for air and an arched back. Barely seconds later he was crying out Jiyong's name as Jiyong swallowed the entirety of Daesung's load. He pulled off and sat up, wiping his mouth with a grin. Daesung was hiding behind his arms a furious blush painting his face.  
"Happy birthday," Jiyong said again as he carefully stuffed Daesung's member back in his pants.  
"Thank you.." Daesung mumbled back, still blushing.  
"That was probably the best blowjob I have ever had.." He continued after a while. Jiyong laughed out loud.  
"I can teach you," he said with an amused tone to his voice.  
"How to suck a cock, a novel by Kwon Ji Yong," he joked before laying back down on top of Daesung, who had uncovered his face and was now looking at Jiyong with a smile.  
“You’re even dorkier than me,” Daesung mused and placed his arms around Jiyong as he was glowing in the aftermath of his orgasm. Jiyong chuckled a little.  
“Maybe,” he said with a wiggle of his eyebrows, causing Daesung to laugh a bright laugh. He was so beautiful when he laughed and Jiyong was so comfortable with that realisation.

 

A couple of hours passed before Daesung started to get worried. Where had Seungri and Youngbae gone?  
"What if they're cheating on us?" Daesung asked a little uncertain and Jiyong still didn't really understand their relationship but he shook his head because he knew for sure Seungri not Youngbae wouldn't do anything that would hurt the others.  
"They wouldn't do that, Seungri's obsessed with you guys and Youngbae is so in love," Jiyong's words were genuine and Daesung nodded.  
"But they've been gone so long."  
Jiyong too felt uncomfortable with that fact. Where had they gone?  
"Maybe they met a friend and went for a coffee?" Jiyong suggested. "Call."  
Daesung nodded again and picked up his phone from the table and called the slightly younger boy. He didn't pick up which made Daesung even more worried and it made Jiyong worry too.  
"Let's take a walk and look for him," Jiyong said and stood up, Daesung quickly following.  
"I'm just gonna change pants," Jiyong excused himself and disappeared into his room. What he didn't tell Daesung was that he grabbed one of his knives and placed it in his pocket. When he was walking out if his room the front door was slammed open and Youngbae came in with a small gash on his cheek, his face scared and upset.  
"Jiyong," he barely managed to get out, so out of breath.  
"What happened?" Daesung was stiff and on the edge but Jiyong already knew. Youngbae breathed, trying to calm down.  
"They took Seungri. Th-they said you have to go there and they'll spare him.."  
Jiyong spat out a curse under his breath and pulled a hand through his black hair.  
"You two stay here. Don't fucking THINK of leaving this house. I promise you I'll get Seungri back."  
Daesung sank to a small heap on the floor, shivering heavily as he started.  
"Daesung.. Darling.." Jiyong squat down in front of him, pulling him in for a hug.  
"I'm sorry this happened today. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have stayed at all. Don't worry about Seungri, I'll save him."  
Daesung nodded.  
"But what about you?" He sobbed and hid his face in Jiyong's neck.  
"Don't worry about me," he said softly and stroked Daesung's fluffy hair. "I shouldn't have interacted with you in the first place, this is all my fault."  
Youngbae shot a glare at him.  
"Don't you dare." He said. "You're a part of our family."  
Jiyong sighed.  
"I'll think of something." He mumbled and placed a kiss to Daesung's forehead before he stood up.  
"Thank you for everything," he said with a small smile and then placed a kiss to Youngbae's forehead as well before he left, pulling on his leather jacket with the B21 patch on the back and left arm, hanging furthest in on the jacket rack.  
He didn't walk to the HQ, but he grabbed a taxi and tipped him extra for going into the slum.  
Jiyong stepped out of the car and watched it speed off the same second the door closed. He would've done the same thing if it wasn't for Seungri's life being on the stake. He took a deep breath, raised his chin and walked towards the building.  
The guards stared him down as he entered the yard, but nobody stopped him. It was as if he was anticipated.  
It was eerie silent and Jiyong kept his head high as he entered the building and walked to the large room where all negotiations took place.  
He opened the door and all eyes were on him.  
"Welcome home," Chaelin said, the smile on her lips sending chills down his spine. Her hand was extended, holding a gun pointed at the light blonde head of the young man Jiyong was there for, who was frozen in fright.  
"I'm here now, let him go." Jiyong's voice carried no trace of weakness and his features were sharp and pissed off.  
"Now now, don't stress," Chaelin smiled. "Namtae."  
A slender man broke loose from the line behind Chaelin and Jiyong recognised his as Nam Taehyun, as he walked up to Jiyong. Apparently he had been promoted to the core.  
"Hard or easy way?" He asked and Jiyong stared him down for a short while before he reached into his pocket and pulled out his knife, giving it to Taehyun.  
"Do you mind if I check you?" He said as he placed Jiyong's knife in his own pocket. Jiyong held out his arms and Taehyun did a full body visitation.  
"He's clear," he said and Jiyong held his gaze as he took off his jacket giving it to Taehyun.  
"Give that to CL," he said and Taehyun nodded as he headed back. 

"I take this generous gift as you're going to decline my offer of coming back to the family." Chaelin's voice had a trace of disappointment in it as she spoke and Jiyong locked her gaze and started to walk up towards her.  
"I am," he replied coldly, and stopped in front of Seungri, reaching out a hand towards him, looking into his scared eyes.  
"You know that means I will kill you?" Chaelin returned and raised the gun to point it at Jiyong's head instead. Seungri shivered as he took Jiyong's hand.  
"I know," he replied and pulled Seungri to his feet and embraced him.  
"Listen darling," he whispered into his hair. "Take my phone and call a cab. Daesung and Youngbae is home, and hopefully Seunghyun too." He gave Seungri his phone and then placed a kiss to his forehead as well.  
"Tell Seunghyun I'm thankful for everything. I'm sorry it turned out like this.." He smiled a tiny smile and stroked Seungri's hair, down his neck.  
"Now go back to your life," he said and pulled back from Seungri, looking into his eyes and the young man looked as if he was breaking and not from the event itself, but from saying goodbye. He took Jiyong’s mobile and swallowed.  
“Thank you..” he mumbled and then rounded Jiyong to leave.  
"Bye Panda," he whispered as he watched Seungri turn and run out of the room. Slowly he turned back to Chaelin and held out his arms as if to hug her.  
"I’m ready."  
Chaelin raised the gun again, pointing it at Jiyong.  
"Sure you don't want to change your mind and come back?" Her voice was sugar coated venom and he lowered his arms.  
"No. I've learnt what a real family is and this is not it." He watched Chaelin load the gun and he was strangely at peace. It felt as if his whole life had led up to this exact point. He closed his eyes and a low murmur went through the core behind her. The shot echoed through the room and then everything went quiet.


	3. Just one last dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are clearing up and Jiyong is put in a difficult position.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is a little shorter than the other two chapters but that's because I had to delete some parts because it didn't go with the flow. Anyways, I hope you like the last part of the story!

The shot echoed through the room and then everything went quiet. A body collapsed to the floor and the smell of black powder filled the air. It was still completely silent, as Jiyong opened his eyes. It wasn't his body that laid on the floor. But in front of his eyes, Chaelin laid in a heap with her head blown to bits, the puddle of blood growing rapidly around her.  
Jiyong wondered why nobody had drawn weapon, why he wasn't killed yet? He paused for a second and then slowly turned around to stand face to face with Park Jaesang. Behind him stood Seungri, Minji and Hyunsuk.  
Jiyong had no idea what was going on. What did Hyunsuk do here? He was greeted by the elder man with a broad grin and a "long time no see, boy!", as if this was the most festive gathering around. Seungri was holding hands with Minji and she looked like stone. How did Seungri know Minji?  
Jaesang hadn't said a word, he just calmly unloaded his gun and put it back in it's holster.  
"Why did you shoot?" Jiyong asked when nobody seemed like they was going to say what the hell was going on.  
Jaesang gave up a heartfelt laughter.  
"Turned out she was foul at the core," he said. "Thank Minzy for double playing," he added and Minji smiled a little at his back.  
"Triple playing, actually. I know you don't count YG, since you work with him, but he is his own mafia you know," she said and Jaesang chuckled.  
"That's true, dear."  
Jiyong shook his head.  
"I still don't get shit?" He said confused and a little annoyed, his heart racing like it was going for Olympic gold.  
Now it was Hyunsuk's turn to laugh.  
"I'll explain it to you, but not here." He said with a bright smile. That's when Seungri let go of Minji's hand and walked up to Jiyong, all those traces of fear having left his features and he seemed.. Proud. Jiyong was still more confused than ever.  
Seungri took his hand and tugged a little at it.  
"We have a dinner party to attend," he said softly.  
"I'm not leaving until I know what's going on here." Jiyong refused.  
"We can tell you in the car, please.. Dae is probably crawling out of skin with anxiety."  
Jiyong nearly growled at the younger boy.  
"Call him, you have my phone," he bit without moving.  
"Jiyong," Minji snapped. "You're going to Daesung now, or I'm personally wringing your head off of your body." She probably wasn't joking.  
Jiyong shivered and then pulled his hand from Seungri's.  
"I'm doing this for him, not you. Either of you,” his tone was harsh and he pointed at Seungri and then Minji. He gave a glance at the core, still standing immobile a bit behind Chaelin’s dead body. Then he turned around and stalked out of the building, one of Hyunsuk’s cars standing outside. He got into the front seat and rubbed his face with his hands. He was pissed off and so confused, but he was glad that Seungri was unharmed.  
Seungri, Minji and Hyunsuk arrived by the car not long after Jiyong and he ignored them as they got in, not even bothering to ask why Minji was going with them. 

Daesung was already standing outside the house when the car parked in front of it. He was chewing on his nails, but stopped the same second he saw Seungri step out of the backseat. Jiyong watched as he threw himself onto the blonde boy, hiding his face in the curve of his neck, clinging onto him like a baby monkey. The sight made Jiyong's heart clench and he stepped out of the car.  
“I told you I'd retrieve him,” Jiyong said softly, placing a hand on Daesung’s back. At that Daesung spun around, clinging onto Jiyong instead.  
“Thank you,” he sobbed against Jiyong's neck. Youngbae came out from the house at the same time, his cheek having a band aid on it and he smiled softly. Then he heard Minji step out of the car and Youngbae gave up a chuckle and tapped Daesung's shoulder.  
"Look who's here," he said, causing the still sobbing boy to look up from Jiyong's neck.  
The sight of Minji made his entire being light up and Jiyong was fairly positive the boy was actually vibrating. Then he ran from Jiyong, rounded the car and tackled Minji against the car, hugging her as he gave up a squeal.  
"You came!" He sounded happier than Jiyong had ever heard him and he was so confused.  
Daesung pulled back and pulled Minji to where Seungri stood and hugged them both again.  
"What's going on here?" Jiyong asked Youngbae quietly.  
"Minji is Daesung's sister," he murmured back and Jiyong actually had to brace himself against the car so he wouldn't fall.  
"Is everything okay?" Youngbae sounded worried and Jiyong straightened out and shook his head.  
"Yeah, I just got a little dizzy. I should probably get inside," he said and started to make his way to the door.  
Hyunsuk had already gotten inside without Jiyong noticing him, but he was standing in the hallway talking to Seunghyun as Jiyong entered. Seunghyun met his eyes and he didn't have the look of disgust that Jiyong could always notice no matter how hard Seunghyun tried to hide it. He looked grateful and almost proud. Hyunsuk had stopped talking and Seunghyun walked up to Jiyong and pulled him in for a hug. Once again Jiyong was confused but he was too drained to ask, so he just stood there in the embrace until Seunghyun pulled back.  
“I think I'm going to rest a little while,” he said, rubbing his face.  
“You're not interested in what's going on, Jiyong?” Hyunsuk asked and Jiyong shot him a glare.  
“My head is exploding, can we talk later?”

He didn't wait for a response but just turned around and walked into the former guest room that was now his, and dropped down on the bed. He was frustrated, scared and confused and he wouldn't be able to handle himself around people right now. He rolled over and faced the wall, hugging his pillow, trying to calm down his mind. Chaelin was dead. So was Jiho. The two people he had trusted and loved with his life.  
A soft knock on his door made him snap out of his thoughts and before he had reacted Youngbae had entered and closed after him, locking the door.  
“Hi,” he said softly and sat down on Jiyong's bed, not looking at him. Jiyong turned around and looked up at Youngbae’s face.  
“Hello?” He asked a little confused.  
“Thank you for what you did,” Youngbae said softly, looking down at Jiyong. “Really, thank you.”  
Jiyong smiled a little and pulled a hand through his hair.  
“It's nothing, really,” he replied a little modest, and not as if he had just risked his own life to save someone he barely knew.  
“I don't care what you say, it means everything to us. To me, and to Seunghyun and most of all to Daesung. I can't imagine how he would’ve survived without Seungri..” Youngbae’s voice was soft and Jiyong sat up, leaning his chin against the other's shoulder.  
“Well, now he won't have to,” Jiyong mumbled with a smile.  
“Can I do anything to make it up to you?” Youngbae asked as quiet as before, shifting a little to look at Jiyong.  
“Make music with me,” he said without having to think.  
“What?” Youngbae seemed confused and thrown off balance, but Jiyong knew what he wanted and that was to make music with the sun sitting beside him.  
“I’ve heard you sing, and I like it. A lot. I want to do something with you because I haven't made music in forever,” Jiyong explained.  
Youngbae blushed and bit his lip, looking down at his hands resting in his lap.  
“Thank you..” He said before turning around and pressing his lips against Jiyong’s. “I would love to make music with you, but you have to stay with me forever,” he murmured between kisses, pushing Jiyong down on his back as he hovered above him.  
Jiyong didn't reply, maybe because he knew it wouldn't happen, maybe because Youngbae didn't give him any chance as he got on top of him, sliding his hand up under Jiyong’s shirt, his lips still glued to Jiyong's.  
Never in his, soon to be, 26 years of living had he ever gotten kisses this soft and emotional. It was as if Youngbae poured his heart out through his lips, poisoning Jiyong with his kisses. Jiyong didn't mind.  
The tension he normally felt with Youngbae wasn't there and he kissed back, placing his hands on the others lower back. He felt so calm in a way he normally didn't feel, especially not when anything sexual was involved.  
Youngbae kept stroking his stomach and chest and Jiyong felt himself grow harder after a while. Of course the other felt it too and he pulled back with a tiny smile.  
“Jiyong,” he whispered, stroking Jiyong’s hair. “Ji…”  
He leant down and pressed a soft kiss to Jiyong's nose.  
“I think I'm in love with you.”  
Jiyong didn't know what to reply. His life was too confusing right now for him to even work properly.  
“I think I'm in love with you too,” he whispered back, scared to death because this was the first time he openly expressed his feelings to anyone. And it was scary even though he knew Youngbae felt the same way. Feelings generally scared Jiyong. He was awful at handling them and he had always been. He felt a lot and very strong and often. But because of his childhood he had troubles showing them and he came across as rude, angry or stuck up a lot.  
Youngbae sat up, straddling the other's hips, grinding against him, a soft moan escaping his lips.  
“Make love to me,” he breathed and Jiyong had no idea how to do that.  
“I don't know how… I've never been taught love.” Jiyong's voice was shivering ever so slightly and he was so scared that Youngbae would reject him. Of course that didn't happen, because Youngbae wasn't like that. He'd never give up on anybody he thought worth fighting for.  
“Jiyong,” he whispered again and leant down to press his lips against Jiyong's.  
“I believe in you,” he murmured and carded his right hand through Jiyong's hair. Jiyong nodded and placed his hands in the curve of the others back, kneading his hips once, twice, and then he flipped them over.  
Youngbae raised his torso from the bed slightly and pulled off his shirt, tossing it to the floor. Then he pulled on Jiyong's shirt to make him take it off too and it was a little weary Jiyong grabbed the hem of his shirt. He hesitated for a moment before he pulled his shirt off, exposing his many scars and bruises and tattoos to the far more innocent man.  
Youngbae paused and stared at Jiyong's naked torso, reaching up to stroke the skin softly, tracing the many marks with his fingers. Every touch was so intimate and Jiyong shivered without being able to stop himself. Youngbae looked up at his face with a small smile that made Jiyong's heart skip a beat. It felt okay showing his body to Youngbae in this way. He wasn't judged or abandoned. He felt secure with the sun underneath him in a way he never had with anyone before. Of course he couldn't stop the tears and Youngbae looked confused but then pulled Jiyong down for a hard embrace.  
“What's wrong? We don’t have to do anything you're uncomfortable with…” he mumbled softly and stroked Jiyong's hair.  
“I just feel things I've never felt before and it's scary,” Jiyong replied, having buried his face in Youngbae’s neck.  
“That's alright. You're waking up from your past life. I'm here and you're safe,” Youngbae whispered and Jiyong nodded softly. “Take the time you need.”  
“Why are you so nice to me?” Jiyong shifted to look into Youngbae’s eyes and he smiled the sunshine smile of his.  
“Because you're like a fallen angel. You're god given and so painfully beautiful and you didn't deserve what happened to you. Sure I barely know anything about you, but what I do know is that you deserve to be loved. Everyone does. But most of all you.” Youngbae didn't hesitate when he spoke, as if what he said was ridiculously obvious to everyone except Jiyong himself. He didn't disagree because he had the feeling that Youngbae wouldn't accept his complaints.  
“Thank you,” he said softly and pressed his lips against Youngbae's.  
Youngbae didn't answer with words but there was no need to, all answers Jiyong needed was in that kiss.  
He cupped Jiyong's face and kissed him so soft Jiyong wasn't even sure Youngbae was human. How a kiss could be so calming and full of love he had no idea, but this didn't seem like an oddity for Youngbae. It was like he could express every emotion known to man with a single kiss and Jiyong was pretty sure he had and that itself was a talent Jiyong had never met in another human being before. He felt gratitude towards the smaller man.  
Jiyong was scared to have sex with him though because he was certain he would ruin the mood but then Youngbae pulled back and looked Jiyong in the eyes.  
“I trust you, Jiyong,” he said softly and Jiyong nodded and fumbled with his pants standing up to be able to wiggle out of them. As he did, Youngbae did the same on the bed and Jiyong suddenly got nervous again for no reason as he got onto the bed once more, reaching for lubricant in the drawer.  
He slicked himself up, giving himself a few pumps to erect fully and then he rubbed some lube on Youngbae's entrance.  
“Are you ready?” He asked softly, wiping the excess lube on his sheet. Youngbae just smiled and nodded, stroking Jiyong's sides.  
“Are you ready?” He shot back and Jiyong responded with a small smile of his.  
“Yeah,” he responded and lined up to Youngbae's entrance.  
“I'm sorry if I disappoint you,” he mumbled as he carefully added pressure, allowing Youngbae's ass to swallow his member. Both pain and pleasure washed over Youngbae's features and he bit his lip, whining softly. Jiyong kept still, watching the other man adjust.  
“Jiyong,” he whispered and opened his eyes to meet Jiyong's.  
“Mh?”  
“I love you.”  
The words were just as drenched in emotion as his kisses and Jiyong was so confused over how much could hide in such a small body.  
“I love you too,” he replied, not half as emotionally but hopefully equally as true. He really did love Youngbae. Or at least he could learn how to. He wanted to.  
Carefully he started to thrust into the man beneath him, earning small groans and whines of pleasure, so hopefully he did something right. Youngbae's face was beautiful as he was fucked, and parts of Jiyong wanted to ram into him and fuck the shit out of him to see how gorgeous he was then. But he didn't. He kept up the slow rhythm and the careful thrusts and Youngbae kept squirming, his fingers clutching against Jiyong's lower back and ass.  
“Deeper,” he demanded and Jiyong did as he was told and pushed in deeper and a little harder but he still kept the slow rhythm. This earned a wrinkle between Youngbae's eyebrows and his pouty lips fell open to form a small o and Jiyong had never found anyone as beautiful before. He kept fucking Youngbae slowly without a word, their eyes locking whenever Youngbae opened them. Eventually Youngbae was leaking and he wrapped his arms around Jiyong's neck, pulling him down, holding him close. Jiyong had a hard time moving because of that but Youngbae gasped in his ear as he moved and he guessed it was fine to fuck this way too.  
“You're amazing,” Youngbae's voice came hoarse and choked back.  
“You're pretty damn fine too,” Jiyong replied, feeling how he was building up to release.  
“I'm gonna come,” he groaned and Youngbae whined against his neck.  
“Not before me,” he said no clenched around Jiyong's cock rhythmically as his breath grew heavier.  
“Fuck,” he whispered and ground up against Jiyong.  
“Fuck I'm gonna come, harder please,” Youngbae gasped out and Jiyong rode on the adrenaline that came with his own climax and fucked Youngbae harder, coming only a short while before him.  
Jiyong rode out his orgasm and then slumped down on top of Youngbae, hiding his face against his neck as he came down. Youngbae was breathing hard, still clutching onto Jiyong.  
“Told you you'd do well,” he whispered after a short while. Jiyong groaned a little, shifted and pulled out of the smaller man.  
“Shut up,” he whispered and laid down beside him.  
A knock on the door interrupted their soft atmosphere and Seungri’s annoyed voice came through the locked door.  
“If you're done fucking, maybe you could come out to celebrate Daesung?!”  
Jiyong hid his face in his hands and Youngbae laughed.  
“Don't worry, there's enough for you too,” he replied and they could hear Seungri scoff before he left with heavy steps.  
“Maybe we should go out though,” Youngbae said softly and turned to his side to look at Jiyong.  
“We should..” Jiyong said a little avoiding.  
“What's wrong?” Youngbae asked, noticing that something was off with Jiyong.  
“It's just.. Minzy.. Err, Minji… She makes me a bit uncomfortable. Or well, not her, but uh, the entire situation?” Jiyong had no idea how to put this because obviously nobody found it weird that Minji had been part of the same gang as Jiyong.  
“Why?” Youngbae seemed confused and Jiyong sighed.  
“She was in my gang, in the close core even. I thought I knew her. Now she's sitting here and she's Daesung's sister? I mean, how fucked up is that?”  
Youngbae stared at Jiyong in what he could only describe as disbelief.  
“Minji was in your gang..?” Youngbae's words were uncertain and he sat up.  
“I thought you knew?” Jiyong sat up as well.  
“No? I only thought she worked for Hyunsuk… She's also a singer. Are you seriously telling me she was in your gang?”  
Jiyong nodded.  
“She's the best sniper I know.”  
Youngbae rubbed his face.  
“I think some explaining is in its place right now,” he said as he stood up and got dressed. Jiyong followed his example and two minutes later they left the room to get into the lounge. 

 

Jiyong didn't even lace his shoes or grab his jacket as he stormed out of the apartment, a tornado of feelings. He heard several voices call after him but he ignored them, slamming the door shut as he stalked away from the building. His shoulders were pulled back and tense and if someone as much as glanced at him he'd start a fight. He was pissed off and he felt so betrayed that he had to leave if he was going to keep himself from killing Minji. She could have saved both Jiho and his mom but she didn't and Jiyong was boiling inside. He let out a scream, and punched the wall beside him hard enough to split the skin on his knuckles, blood instantly gushing out. He leaned his forehead against the wall and groaned, his entire body shivering.  
Why was everything happening to him? It wasn't fair. Surely some good things had happened to him as well but seriously? There had to be some end to it.  
He sank down with his back against the wall, hiding his face in his hands, the anger mixing with panic. And for the first time since he was in his teens he made the choice of hurting himself intentionally. He put his lips to his skin and bit down on his wrist. The feeling of his teeth sinking down in his skin relaxed him a little bit, but not enough to stop his panicking. He shivered as he kept sinking his teeth further into his skin, feeling how he was about to break the skin if he kept it up. Then he felt a hand stroke his hair, down over his cheek and grab onto his wrist.  
“Jiyong stop.”  
Youngbae's voice was soft and not accusing and Jiyong relaxed a tiny bit more, but didn't let go.  
“Ji.. Please let go,” Youngbae sat down in front of Jiyong and he was so close and every pore of Jiyong hurt. He let go of his wrist and Youngbae pulled it close, held his arm with both hands, and gently kissed the bite mark.  
“Don't hurt yourself,” he whispered, stroking Jiyong's cheek and leant in a little closer.  
“You're too good for that,” he continued and Jiyong just sat there clenching his teeth. He wasn't too good for anything. Chaelin should've killed him.  
“I should be dead,” he mumbled and avoided Youngbae's eyes. Youngbae violently shook his head.  
“No, you shouldn't. You haven't done anything wrong.”  
That caused Jiyong to look up, a dark glaze over his eyes.  
“I killed my first person when I was fourteen. I don't even remember how many people I've killed. It's my job, Youngbae. Don't tell me I'm innocent. I'm a murderer.”  
Youngbae swallowed, but held Jiyong's glare.  
“I don't care what you say. I don't think you chose this life because you wanted too. I dare you to tell me you did. I dare you.”  
Jiyong couldn't tell him he was wrong because he was so right and that made Jiyong hurt even more.  
“I've never talked about my life with anyone until last week when Seunghyun asked me what happened. I don't know why I told him. What made him different. I want to tell you but I don't want you to pity me.” Jiyong's words were harsh and almost accusing and he looked away from Youngbae.  
“I won't pity you,” Youngbae stated and stared at Jiyong's turned away face. Jiyong laughed.  
“You already pity me,” he said and turned back to look at Youngbae.  
“Why do you think that?”  
“You're so gentle with me, like I'm made out of rice paper. I'm not fragile and I'm not that poor kid with a tragic past either. I'm just.. Just Jiyong.”  
Youngbae chuckled.  
“I'm gentle with you because that's just how I am. I despise violence, and I hate it when people yell at each other. It's not because I think you can't take some angry fucking because I know you can. I'm gentle with you because.. Because I love you.”  
Jiyong sighed and pulled Youngbae in for a soft kiss, sighing against his lips.  
“You're too good for me…” He said after a short silence.  
Youngbae chuckled and shook his head.  
“I think I'm just good enough. Do you wanna go back? It's really cold and it's about to rain..”  
Jiyong tensed up again, flexing his fingers nervously.  
“I don't know…” He mumbled and grit his teeth.  
“I'm really not in the mood…”  
Youngbae smiled softly, and stood up, holding out his hand for Jiyong to take.  
“I'm with you.”  
Hesitantly Jiyong grabbed Youngbae's hand and stood up.  
“I'm so scared,” he whispered and Youngbae pulled him into his arms.  
“Don't be scared. You're safe. I'm here and you're safe.” Youngbae's tone made Jiyong not question him. It felt as if he wasn't lying. Maybe Jiyong was safe? After all that had happened to him, maybe he was finally safe?  
He nodded and inhaled deeply.  
“Okay. Okay let's go..”

 

It had been a little over two months since Jiyong started to live with these odd boys. Jiho had gotten a proper funeral and Jiyong thought it had been awkward to stand there with his old gang members and his new family. He had told them that they didn't have to come but they insisted. Even Seunghyun joined them.  
Youngbae had had his birthday as well and unlike Daesung's birthday, Youngbae's was calm and not much happened. They had dinner in and just cuddled all five of them as they watched a film and Jiyong felt like he had been accepted into the pack.  
When it came down to Seungri, he did sometimes actually speak to Jiyong and seemed nice and friendly and then sometimes he wouldn't even look in Jiyong's general direction. Jiyong on the other hand had grown very protective over the youngest in the family. He found himself rather often to be close to the handsome blonde, especially when he went out. It could probably be classified as stalking but Jiyong couldn't bear the thought of something happening to Seungri again, so he often held an extra eye on him until he could be sure the possible threat of B21 was gone. 

Today was one of those days.  
He waited behind a corner for Seungri to get ahead of him a bit, and when he rounded the corner Seungri stood there with his arms folded across his chest, looking rather grim and Jiyong was dumbfounded.  
“Uh, hello?” He said with a slightly nervous laugh leaving his lips.  
“Jiyong,” Seungri said, his tone impossible for Jiyong to understand.  
“You have to stop following me.”  
“How did you know I was following you?” Jiyong asked, knowing that it was futile trying to claim he wasn't.  
“Youngbae told me,” he said and Jiyong cursed the pretty boy for doing so. Not that it would stop Jiyong but it was a little embarrassing in all honesty.  
“I didn't believe him, because why would you follow me? It doesn't make sense,” Seungri was definitely confused and Jiyong swallowed.  
“Uh,” was all Jiyong could get out.  
Seungri was so stunning where he stood in his tight black shirt and matching jeans, arms folded across his chest. His facial features were sharp and Jiyong swallowed.  
“I care about you and I'm scared that you're going to get hurt again.”  
Seungri softened a little.  
“Jiyong, there hasn't been a single word from your old gang for two months,” he said and dropped his arms to his sides.  
“You don't have to worry,” he continued and smiled a little. Jiyong swallowed again and nodded.  
“I know, but I do.” He said, crossing his arms over his chest, doing what he did best - pretending to be tough. Seungri sighed, not in an annoyed way, but rather a hopeless one.  
“Seungri,” Jiyong said, and Seungri arched an eyebrow in response. “I see myself in you, how I could've been if I didn't fuck up. I have to protect your innocence. I have to…” Jiyong trailed off, it was hard keeping his tough boy attitude up when he talked about himself in such a weak way.  
Seungri on the other hand chuckled and shook his head and Jiyong could never get enough of Seungri's laughter. It was mesmerizing and so pure and he just melted. He was weak for Seungri in a way he wasn't for either of the other boys.  
At first he was extremely protective over Daesung because Daesung was so naive that it almost hurt but Jiyong realized pretty quickly that Daesung was smarter than he gave away and he was definitely not that naive. He was kind, extremely kind, but he wasn't naive and he was far from as innocent as Jiyong had first thought. Daesung was witty and extremely strong and Jiyong was ashamed to have underestimated him. Instead he grew protective over Seungri because if there was anyone of them that was naive it was him. Much unlike Daesung Seungri tried to act though and maybe that was what gave him away.  
Jiyong knew he was capable of defending himself but sometimes he felt like Seungri didn't understand just when he had to and that made him protective. He used to do the same when he was a kid and that's why Jiho never left his side because Jiho was for Jiyong like Jiyong is for Seungri. A guard dog, a protector, a guardian.  
Jiyong didn't get to say more because Seungri closed the space between them and placed a hand on Jiyong's neck as he pulled him in for a kiss.  
“You're a huge softie,” Seungri whispered against Jiyong's lips who was equally as dumbfounded as the first time Seungri had kissed him. Maybe even more. He gathered himself this time though and grabbed onto Seungri's shirt and attached himself to his lips again, doing what he secretly had thought about for the past two months. Seungri wasn't going to accept being manhandled though and he pushed Jiyong up against the house beside them, kissing him feverishly, his hands roaming up and down Jiyong's sides.  
Seungri broke the kiss after a few minutes, both of them breathing hard.  
“I never expected you to be this feisty,” Jiyong grinned, wiping his face with one hand. Seungri scoffed, almost offended.  
“You've seen nothing yet,” the blonde replied and pulled away completely.  
“I'm gonna go now, but I'll see you soon. And don't you dare try to follow me.”  
Jiyong stood confused and a tiny bit turned on and watched Seungri walk away from him. 

 

 

Another month later, Jiyong woke up by Youngbae's small body slipping into his bed.  
“Warm,” he purred and Jiyong could smell weed on him, it lingered in his breath and in his hair. Jiyong was instantly wide awake and cautious. Youngbae usually didn't do drugs.  
“What time is it? You're freezing cold? Where have you been? Have you been smoking?”  
The questions rained down on Youngbae and he just let out a small laugh that rang clear as bells and nuzzled into Jiyong's neck.  
“Secret,” he said and dug his arm in under Jiyong's body and placed his ice cold feet right in between Jiyong's thighs.  
“Holy shit, Youngbae! Seriously how high are you?”  
Youngbae giggled again.  
“I told you it's a secret,” he said and Jiyong sighed.  
“What time is it?” Jiyong then tried.  
“Uh..? I don't know?”  
Jiyong could physically feel Youngbae's smile against his naked shoulder.  
“I want you to fuck me,” he whispered with a hoarse voice Jiyong had never heard before.  
“Jiyong, I want you to fuck me so hard…”  
Jiyong swallowed and cleared his throat.  
“Maybe tomorrow, I was asleep when you came in..”  
Jiyong surely wanted to fuck Youngbae, he adored fucking Youngbae. Youngbae was so responsive and amazing to fuck and Jiyong had his absolutely best orgasms with Youngbae, but he was high out of his mind and Jiyong felt like it was the drugs and not Youngbae speaking.  
“Jiiyoong…” He whined and clumsily ground his hips against Jiyong.  
“Daesung and Seungri also wants you to fuck them,” he added and Jiyong shifted to look at the boy in the darkness of the room.  
“What?” He asked and Youngbae giggled. That's when Jiyong realized that Youngbae, Daesung and Seungri had probably been hitting that shit together. He groaned in a mix of annoyance and lust.  
“Youngbae…” he started off but Youngbae covered his mouth with his hand and pressed even closer to Jiyong's neck.  
“Seunghyun too,” he barely breathed out and Jiyong had to swallow because of the indecent thoughts that suddenly filled his head.  
“Y'all fucking impossible,” he sighed and Youngbae giggled again and pressed his lips to Jiyong's neck.  
“We love you,” he whispered against Jiyong's skin and Jiyong swallowed again.  
“You're high,” he replied and Youngbae laughed his bright laugh again.  
“Maybe, but I'm not a liar,” he said and Jiyong might've been blushing a little, thankful for the dark surrounding them.  
“So do you wanna fuck?” Youngbae then asked, totally breaking the atmosphere, causing Jiyong to laugh.  
“You're really serious, are you?”  
Youngbae shifted a little and slid his left hand down Jiyong's naked body to brush over his half erected cock.  
“As serious as I'm high,” he giggled and took Jiyong's cock in his hand and slowly started to jerk him off.  
“You're already this worked up and naked,” he grinned and scrambled out of Jiyong's bed and stumbled upon himself. He didn't trip though and Jiyong cautiously followed him out of his bed. When he stood up the moonlight illuminated his milky white skin, scattered with scars and tattoos, and Youngbae gasped when he turned around to look at Jiyong.  
“You look like a warrior,” he sighed and pulled Jiyong close, crashing his lips against the taller one’s. Jiyong placed his hands on Youngbae's hips, kissing him passionately. They worked so well together, they synchronized as if they had known each other their entire lives. Jiyong wasn't religious and he certainly didn't believe in any sort of supernatural shit, but Youngbae was certain they had been together in another life, destined to meet again in this one. Maybe he was right, maybe they just worked well together.  
Jiyong broke the kiss and picked up his dressing gown from the floor, slipping into it. Youngbae giggled as he grabbed Jiyong's hand, pulling him along out the door, through the dark corridor to the lounge.  
The entire room was so thick with the smell of weed that Jiyong’s brain instantly got a fraction foggier. Seunghyun met them in the doorway, offering Jiyong a joint and he certainly wasn't going to say no. He hadn't been high under a nice circumstance in forever and he wanted to make it a positive experience again.  
He took a hit of the blunt as he watched Seungri and Daesung make out on the leather sofa, completely lost in each other, not even noticing Jiyong. It was a beautiful sight and Jiyong couldn't stop the smile as his brain was affected by the drug. All his worries seemed to fade away and he couldn't tear his eyes from Daesung and Seungri on the sofa. They looked so perfect together, as if they were made just for each other. He didn't want to intrude on their privacy but it didn't seem like he had to either because Youngbae was doing it for him.  
He watched Youngbae lean into the kiss and join it and it looked so seamless and rehearsed and Jiyong wondered how many times they had done this before. Then Seunghyun pressed himself close to Jiyong's back, stroking his hips as he held him close to his own body.  
“Aren't they beautiful?” He sighed, pressing his lips to Jiyong's ear.  
“They've done this a lot, haven't they?” Jiyong asked and held up his joint for Seunghyun to take a hit. Seunghyun did and held the breath for a while before he exhaled the smoke at Jiyong's ear.  
“They do..” He said with a tone that sounded either very in love or very annoyed. Jiyong doubted strongly that Seunghyun was annoyed. 

The two watched the kiss intensify and quickly Youngbae was overmanned by the two younger boys and he was pushed down on his back in Daesung's lap, Seungri on top of him, still kissing him passionately as Daesung slid his hands inside his shirt.  
Seunghyun slid his right hand inside Jiyong's gown at the same time and Jiyong sighed in pleasure, every little touch intensified a thousand times because of the weed.  
He finished the joint and placed the butt in the ashtray and turned back to Seunghyun. He was so breathtakingly beautiful that Jiyong had a hard time focusing on anything else.  
Seunghyun smiled at him, his eyes warm and inviting and Jiyong grabbed onto his suit jacket and pulled him down for a kiss. For a second Jiyong thought back on their first encounter and how cold and rough Seunghyun had been. He was nothing like that now when he ever so carefully roamed Jiyong's body with his hands as he soft and slow kissed him.  
They were stirred from their kiss by Youngbae crying out in pleasure and they both turned to stare at him getting his dick sucked by Seungri.  
Jiyong noticed that Daesung's hand was inside Youngbae's pants and the thought of Daesung fingering Youngbae was pretty fucking hot. 

“How about we take this to the headquarters?” Seunghyun asked with a grin and Jiyong groaned loudly.  
“Do you seriously refer to your bedroom as ‘the Headquarters’? Jiyong asked and chuckled, Seunghyun giggling a little.  
“Maybe I do?” He replied and Jiyong rolled his eyes before his wrist was grabbed by Youngbae.  
“Shut up and come fuck me,” he breathed. None of them denied him and in a gathered troop they made their way to the master bedroom.  
All the attention was on Youngbae but Jiyong wasn't surprised at all because Youngbae was mesmerizing. They collectively undressed him and then Seunghyun stripped out of his dress jacket and opened the first buttons of his shirt, laying down on the bed.  
“Youngbae,” he purred and Youngbae got up on the king sized bed and straddled Seunghyun’s hips, grinding against his cock underneath his fabric. Seungri and Daesung quickly joined them, Seungri standing on his knees over Seunghyun, facing Youngbae and Daesung laid down besides Seunghyun waving Jiyong over.  
Jiyong watched Seungri and Youngbae kiss as he got down on the bed besides Daesung. He couldn't stop himself from kissing the perfect plump lips of Daesung though, and Daesung didn't seem to matter it either because he moaned softly into the kiss.  
Jiyong noticed in the corner of his eye, how Seunghyun’s hand had found its way into Daesung's pajama pants, squeezing his dick. Jiyong's hand joined him and together they jerked Daesung off until he couldn't focus on kissing Jiyong anymore. Seunghyun pulled back his hand and so did Jiyong, leaving Daesung breathing hard.  
“Seungri, turn around and let Youngbae fuck you,” Seunghyun's voice came and Seungri shuffled off him and got naked faster than Jiyong had ever gotten undressed for sex. He straddled Seunghyun again once he was naked and pushed back against Youngbae who reached in between his legs and removed a butt plug. Jiyong had failed to notice but both Youngbae and Seungri was wearing one each,Youngbae's remarkably bigger than Seungri's Jiyong noticed when Youngbae removed that one too.  
Seunghyun gave him a bottle of lube and seconds later he had already lubricated his dick and was entering Seungri. As he was slowly fucking the younger he was fumbling with getting Seunghyun's dick out of his pants and when he did he sank down on it almost dry, apart from the excess lube he'd had on his hand, and he pulled Seungri with him in the movement. Seungri whined as Youngbae held still but then he started to ride Seunghyun and automatically fuck Seungri at the same time.  
“Jiyong,” Youngbae groaned loudly after a few minutes of being watched being fucked and fucking. “Fuck me.”  
He looked at Jiyong and Jiyong was confused but he didn't doubt that Youngbae could take two dicks at once, so he let his gown slip open completely as he positioned himself behind Youngbae, squeezing some lube into his hand, coating his dick.  
“You ready?” He asked and grabbed onto Youngbae's hips, positioning himself. Youngbae just groaned and Jiyong pushed all the way inside in one movement, causing both Youngbae and Seunghyun to moan.  
“Seungri,” Daesung's voice came and Jiyong looked at him over Youngbae's shoulder and he had taken his dick out from his pants and Seungri didn't need more encouragements to deep throat him in one movement, nose buried in pubes as he was choking on Daesung's cock.  
Daesung was kissing Seunghyun and then eventually Youngbae started moving, they both watched how Seunghyun moaned into Daesung's mouth and Jiyong was sure he had never been this turned on in his entire life.  
Youngbae squeezed him and Seunghyun tight together and Jiyong realized he had never double penetrated anyone before.  
When Youngbae pushed down Jiyong pushed up a little extra, and Youngbae's reactions were amazing and Jiyong could barely handle him. He bit down on the back of his shoulder, causing him to let out a tiny squeal. This was heaven and Jiyong was sure of it, they all fit together so seamlessly, fucking and touching and kissing without effort. They probably kept at it for at least two hours before they all had enough.

Cuddling in the post glow of amazing sex, the biggest change of Jiyong's life was going to happen. Jiyong was lying on Seunghyun's right shoulder, Youngbae on his own. Daesung was lying on Seunghyun's left shoulder and Seungri was lying on his stomach on top of Seunghyun.  
None of them spoke, but the air was buzzing.  
Jiyong was nearly falling asleep, tired to death from the sex and from being awoken in the middle of the night.  
“Ji..?” Youngbae's voice was barely a murmur.  
“Mhm?” Jiyong replied.  
“We have something we want to ask you..” Daesung replied and Jiyong swallowed.  
“Yes?”  
Seunghyun voiced the question.  
“Jiyong, dearest. Do you want to be our boyfriend?”  
Jiyong didn't know what to reply.  
“Please,” Seungri said and reached out to stroke Jiyong's chest.  
Jiyong thought about Jiho, and when he closed his eyes he could see his former life companions smiling face, and he couldn't stop a smile of his own. He knew this is what Jiho would've wanted. His heart ached because he missed Jiho but also because of the love he felt for these men.  
“Okay,” Jiyong whispered. “Okay, I could do that.”  
All four of them cracked up in huge smiles and Jiyong couldn't hold back a few tears.  
“You're all stupid,” he said softly and they giggled and scooted over to place kisses all to every inch of Jiyong they could reach. He giggled too because it tickled and they laid there in a pile of boyfriends, giggles and kisses and for the first time in his life Jiyong felt at home.


End file.
